I come from mediocrity, from incapability to unleash the flames of will…

from being called “gifted” and told I can “do anything,” molding me into an aimless primate, too comfortable with their conditions to challenge and control the flame…

Acting on archaic impulses enslaving myself with flickering blue screens seeping through my pupils…

I come from the mirage of happiness wondering when I would greeted with moist hole...

I come from coping mechanisms, making love to rituals that dulled and enslaved my brain rather than pursuing a companion made of flesh...

From converting my cries of pain into a prosthetic smile, glued on to my face by fear of peers, muffling any cries for help with sitcom laugh tracks.

I come from being seen as a jester, dancing around the kings and queens of the school, making a freak of myself since it’s all I know to do…

From covering myself with Icy Hot in class to almost getting suspended for throwing a Roman salute, for cheap chuckles from Chads who’d throw me under the bus like they throw a spiral into the endzone…

From realizing the only moments of validation I had came from others, yet lying down and rotting to the cackles of classmates rather than standing up for myself among eyes grinding at my appearance…

I come from retreating from social battlegrounds, to limp into anonymous imageboards where I can’t be judged…

From using them to express myself but also guzzling down the weak self-depreciative sludge pouring from my monitor, then chasing it down with self pity and lusty pixelated women.

I come from nihilism and a self confidence lower than my height, from cursing god and spiting myself, blaming genetics, the universe, and society for my numerous Achilles heels,

blinded from consuming copious quantities of self pity, unable to see spinelessness and a weak personality are what made me miserable…

But…

I will be from greatness, spraying the flames of my perseverance, and scorching any burdens to my character beyond even ashes, searing the impulsive chains that wrapped so tightly around my throat…

I will be from confidence telling others what I feel regardless the consequences…

I will not scrounge around like the rat I was spreading my sorrow like the plague, I will prowl like a lion striking prey and taking what is mine…

I will not feed my happiness with bitter chuckles from sheep who’ve forgotten my name over the summer.

I will be from power and achievement, I will be from founding a business and raising a family, not to please myself or appear likeable but to better this world wide jungle of chaos…

I will be from charging into discomfort, being covered in wounds before I dare retreat to the internet to seek pity and sorrow from beings I won’t meet,

I will be from pride in myself and my strength. I will be from serving a higher being and helping those around me without bringing myself down

I am from striving for a new me...