Me: I shouldn’t message him again
Me to me: You will, and you will regret it. And wait for hours, for a response. Even if it’s just a few words, you will delight in this fact.
Me: I’m going to delete him
Me to me: From your memory?
Me: No, Snapchat silly
Me to me: What about from your memory?
Me: He WANTS to talk to me, he’s just ...busy. He waits until the early hours of the next morning to chat so I can have his undivid—hey, where are you going?
Me to me: Oh, well, you were making excuses for him so I just...
Me: I just need to focus on my work
Me to me: This work won’t be on yourself because you insist on putting everything before your emotional state
Me: I don’t even care
Me to me: Here the Merveille is pretending to everyone that she’s happy. Within her herd the Merveille is “the happy one”, so she can’t shatter the illusion. Can’t let the ball drop...never let the ball drop.
Me: I don’t even want to do anything today
Me to Me: It’s so loud in your head Merv, do you ever stop thinking?
Me: We’d be so cute together. Imagine it!
Me to Me: Imagine what you could do with all that time you spent liking guys that never liked you back and even more time knowing what you did to drive them away.
Me: They were f*** boys
Me to me: no, they were just effing boys.
Me: I can’t make friends because I refuse to make friends for the sake of having friends
Me to me: No, you never grew out of the socially anxious cave you grew up in. Confidence: you faked it, have you made it?
Me: I’ve learnt my lesson
Me to me: You’ll make the same mistakes over and over again whilst advising others on how they can live their best life. Go figure.
Me: All my friends are dating, I feel like the third wheel to my own life
Me to me: All my friends are dating, I feel like the third wheel to my own life
Me: I would go back and tell my younger self to stay the way she is
Me to me: Sorry, was that you when you were (blissfully) ignorantly missing out on life or chronically insecure?
Me: I’m ugly
Me to me: I’m not even going to tell you that you’re beautiful because you wouldn’t accept it unless I was a guy. You’re not going to die alone. You’re only 18. Stop being so overdramatic: you couldn’t even wish your ex crush a happy birthday on Facebook because you felt that a mere message would unearth the nonexistent feelings he had for you. Or worse, he’d pity you. What if he had a totally miserable birthday because you never wished him a happy birthday!?
Me: I’ll move on from this
Me to me: We’ll make it through this
The ball is dangerously close to the floor now