As I cry myself to sleep,
He gorges himself on my body,
As I pray for God to end my suffering,
He smiles at my obedience,
I scream and shout to be free,
He denies me freedom,
I try to hide my body,
He strips me of clothing,
I try to presevre my dignity and self worth,
He strips me of it all,
I confuse his control as love,
He confuses my fear as obedience,
I confuse his lust for love,
He confuses my trembling body with shivers of desire,
I tell myself he lays his hands on me because hes had a hard day,
He tells himself my screams are those of plaesure and not those of pain,
I tell myself that maybe my love and care can ease his suffering,
He tells me the only thing that will help him is the spreading of my legs,
I think giving him conrtol over my body and mind is a small price to pay for his happiness,
He thinks controlling me is him simply showing his love for me,
I hide the bruises that marr my body,
He gets mad and gives me more,
I hide the bruises,
He gives me more because im too weak,
I hide the burises and the tear stained streaks on my face,
He gives me more because I don’t satisfy him,
I hide the bruises and the tears and the greif,
He gets drunk and beats me more,
I try to leave ,
He gets mad and beats me then cries on my knees for forgivness saying the only reason he is still alive is me,
I stay,
He loves me like a man should love a woman,
I stay,
He gets mad and forces himself on me,
I yell at him and tell him I’m going to leave him,
He slaps me and cries for me to stay and says if i leave he will kill himself,
I stay,
He gets drunk and beats me to within my life limits,
I try to leave,
He begs and yells and shouts and forces me to stay,
I leave
He drinks and f***s and cries himself into oblivion,
I start a life,
He begins to end his,
I gain my dignity and hapiness back,
He strips it away from me just like he always does,
I get a call from the police
He has shot himself dead in his car,
A not left on the dash….
You should have stayed….
I go spiraling downin greif,
Why do I feel for the monster,
The monster who beat me and made me wish for death everyday just so I wouldn’t have to face him again,
I cry,
I cry because I am taught to be the vivtim,
Females are tought to spread our legs for men,
To let them lay their heads on our breasts and everything will be ok as long as the man is satisfied,
That our bodies do not matter,
Our feelings do not matter,
We are here for men’s pleasure, and that is as far as our usefulness goes,
No ,
I am more than a warm body,
My love will not be abused,
My care not taken adbantage of ,
No longer will I be a mans B****.