Intro (Love and Rain) | Teen Ink

Intro (Love and Rain)

March 28, 2009
By project827 GOLD, Portage, Michigan
project827 GOLD, Portage, Michigan
13 articles 1 photo 90 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Real Revolution Starts At Learning, If You're Not Angry, Then You Are Not Paying Attention" - Tim McIlrath

Rain falls down
Like diamonds
And we slowly fade
Into the puddles
Into a prism of light
In simplistic beauty
Everyone looks down
At us in the wetness
As they go on their day
In black
And gray suits

The streetlights guide our way
And we walk in place
To the never ending serenity
Of what we’ve become
Cars roll on by
And sparrows sing
In the trees
We grasp each others hands
And let the rain fall
On the asphalt
As we look up
To the gray sky
And smile

The author's comments:
This is sort of the beginning of a poem I've been trying to write for months. What I'm trying to accomplish is descrbe this feeling I get sometimes in my hometown, and it's one of the best feelings I've ever had. (besides my girlfriend kissing me, but thats a different story.) Hope you like it.

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This article has 15 comments.

on Aug. 19 2009 at 3:01 am
Sasha-Bear PLATINUM, Lockhart, Texas
32 articles 0 photos 8 comments
i love that its so personal. it makes me want to experience everything. its hard for me to write happy thoughts and turn it into art, you do it awesomely. keep going.

on Aug. 19 2009 at 2:17 am
MalloryComer BRONZE, Elkton, Virginia
3 articles 2 photos 4 comments
This is great! ; ) My poems are no where near as good as this.

write1994 said...
on Jul. 16 2009 at 3:40 pm
i love this so simple yet lovely

on Jul. 13 2009 at 7:46 pm
RachelEliza PLATINUM, Virginia Beach, Virginia
23 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when theyre right, and sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together -Marilyn Monroe

its very passinate in a simplistic way. but i agree with an earlier comment posted; it could use a little work on th elining. but all in all its beautiful, it makes me want to be a drop of sterling rain.

Jaquie BRONZE said...
on Jul. 13 2009 at 5:29 pm
Jaquie BRONZE, West Palm Beach, Florida
3 articles 0 photos 407 comments

Favorite Quote:
This is certainly one of my favorites: "I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes." -2 Samuel 6:22

Wonderful job. I really did enjoy your peice. Its really amazing.

on Jul. 13 2009 at 1:07 pm
awesomeaugust GOLD, Boston, Massachusetts
10 articles 0 photos 176 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground"
~Theordore Roosevelt

I think you definitely accomplished what you wanted to and more. Great poem

Torrzilla GOLD said...
on Jul. 13 2009 at 6:54 am
Torrzilla GOLD, Ames, Iowa
18 articles 17 photos 49 comments
This is truely fantastic! ^_^

EdytD SILVER said...
on Apr. 26 2009 at 5:41 pm
EdytD SILVER, Livingston, New Jersey
6 articles 0 photos 258 comments
Good job! Great job w/ the emotion. On the fifth line, since you say "into" on the fourth, I would take the "into" out and instead just leave "a prism of light." If you put a comma after the fourth line, it's a metaphor - you are comparing the puddles to prisms of light. I would also add some commas to show where you are continuing a line and where it's a new idea.

I agree w/ David C. - if you put in some concrete, original imagery, the poem could be great. Good job!

I'd love if you looked at some of my poetry. Thanks!

on Apr. 24 2009 at 3:09 pm
xXsmileXx PLATINUM, St. Louis, Missouri
34 articles 0 photos 265 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Your dreams only become intangible when you stop reaching" ~me ;)

This poem is really good. My poems don't have fighting chance next to yours. Keep writing!

on Apr. 9 2009 at 9:33 pm
wow, that was really good. i agree that in some parts it was kind of choppy, but overall, the message comes across great! btw adam, this is lindsey from atyp! :)

on Apr. 8 2009 at 5:12 pm
tragicxharmony SILVER, Vicksburg, Michigan
9 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
I am waiting; I am wanting; no more fighting; no more bleeding. <3

this is good too, the only thing i have to say is that the line breaks are a bit choppy in some parts--work with it a little, and i agree with the artistic comment too.

on Apr. 7 2009 at 1:44 pm
project827 GOLD, Portage, Michigan
13 articles 1 photo 90 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Real Revolution Starts At Learning, If You're Not Angry, Then You Are Not Paying Attention" - Tim McIlrath

(to David C.)

that actually is not a bad idea. I'll have to get one of my artistic friends (cause I'm definatly not one) to do that.

on Apr. 6 2009 at 8:11 pm
It is an amazing poem. It takes you someplace i think everyone is trying to get to in their lives without knowing were they are heading.

Flame16 said...
on Apr. 6 2009 at 2:42 pm
Cool. I like it. Nice feel... very non-dark.

Kerofbi BRONZE said...
on Apr. 6 2009 at 5:19 am
Kerofbi BRONZE, Los Gatos, California
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment
I love the gaze, and if you had an artistic friend (or you yourself) who could draw this out to any sort of decent imagery, I'd be amazed and would want to see it. It's short and the words you use are nothing too out of the ordinary, but that's part of what makes this pretty amazing. Well done.