I am from the cover of Endless Summer
And a guy with slicked back hair in a “silk Saint Laurent shirt” telling me “These Things Happen” “When it’s Dark Out”
From my first video game; a Gameboy with Pokémon fire red
I am from trips to the skate park with mom on a blazing hot summer day
And hitting the mats with coach, feeling for the first time since mom left. Useful after going undefeated
And winning every match with a pin
I am from Coco, the dog that grew up with until I was twelve
I am from Parcheesi games like clue, monopoly, and cranium with my family on the weekends
I am from the apple tree I tried growing with mom whose apples could just never seem to grow right and were so sour
I am from mom, and the guy I am supposed to call dad, but I’ve never really met
I am from the days at grade school, listening to the other kids talk to their parents and wondering, “Why can’t I tell daddy about my day?” or “Why can’t I tell mommy what new things I learned today?”
I am from realizing that I can’t tell “daddy” because daddy disappeared, and I can only tell “mommy” through the phone
I am from those phone calls with mom, telling corny jokes that were just so funny for hours
I am from happiness and ADHD
I am from working hard and never giving up
I am from “don’t forget to count your blessings”… I never did forget to
I am from mom; and the wires, like chains, that bound her to those machines keeping her with us until they told us to let her go
I am from screaming “wake up!”
I am from a long heart piercing beep
And begging for my mom back
I am from not wanting to sleep because every time I’d close my eyes I’d hear the sound of her voice telling me it’s ok
I am from one of my first friends from wrestling, Ethan, and his brother, Mason
I am from learning about Ethan… and his brother Mason
The kid I didn’t know directly, but showed me just how short life can be
I am from learning that the Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles can’t fight everything; not Cancer or a Coma
I am from those moments that make me realize that being happy and being with friends is the most
Important thing in life and is the best for healing
That’s what makes me love life and that’s why I am who I am