Today, I feel fat.

Actually I feel fat every day. But today I just feel fat.

I've become so exhausted of having this body of mine.

It's disgusting.

No matter what I do, I can't change it. It's "who I'm supposed to be."

Diets are loads of bull crap and exercising doesn't satisfy me nor society.

I'm not gonna lie; index and middle fingers have become my best friends. 

Yesturday was the first time I ate in 4 days, but then I asked to use the bathroom only to throw up my feelings; anger, frustrastion, disappointment, shameful, and disgust.

Afterwords, I ask myself, "Am I pretty yet?"

And 

"Look at me now mom! I'm droppin' pounds just like you want!!"

The main question always stays with me, "Am I thin yet?"

I AM TIRED.

I am tired of my obsession with becoming skinny.

It has taken a toll on me...

"Don't eat.  Don't eat. Don't eat." A chorus stuck in my head on repeat.

NO ONE looks at me and thinks, "feed her". 

Because God Forbid someone ate all the cookies, their fingers would all turn towards me.

I AM TIRED.

I'm tired that I can't be alone in the bathroom anymore.

Please don't leave me alone in the bathroom anymore.

Save me from being alone in the bathroom...

Because today, I feel fat.