"Nervous" is not how to describe,
The monster I've lived with my whole life,
That tears me apart from inside out,
I'll have it forever-there is no doubt.

You laugh and you joke,
It "gives you anxiety".
But with my pen I will stroke,
To explain what happens inside of me.

A normal day like any other,
I say goodbye, wave to my mother,
Off to school or out to the mall,
Never expecting a problem at all.

Then once I arrive,
My heart could start racing,
Tears in my eyes,
My fears are escaping.

I want to run back,
Curl up in a ball.
Please brain- cut me some some slack,
But then my friends call.

"What time are you coming?"
"We are leaving right now"
There's no time for running,
But I don't know how

To pretend like I'm happy,
To smile, say hi.
I just feel so crappy,
But my eyes I must dry

And put on a brave face,
"Suck it up" some might say.
"You're in a safe place",
But my mind came to play.

Is that what you'd tell me,
For a physical illness?
A bleeding, scraped knee,
It's all the same business.

I cannot switch it off,
Only lights work like that,
So don't call me soft,
I'm not being a brat.

Now maybe you'll think the next time,
A game "gives you an attack",
Because you haven't felt mine,
And they'd feel like a smack.