Dear Ashley,
I’d like to start at the beginning,
when you had trouble looking in the mirror
not because you felt
ugly,
but because existing
felt like a sin
Dear Ashley,
You tried so hard
to belong to your own body
but you mind
was to complicated for that
Dear Ashley,
I remember when
you used to stare at your arms
and beg yourself not to cut
because maybe the scars
you’d put on your arm
would hurt worse than
the scars they put on your heart
Dear Ashley,
You never used to laugh
and i don’t blame you
Dear Ashley,
That shrink made you
feel more crazy
than you actually were
Dear Ashley,
How long did it take
for you to convince
yourself you didn’t
need the people who s*** on you
Dear Ashley,
Why did you
let them back in
Dear Ashley,
I’m learning now
that there are only
so many punches you
can take before you
hit rock bottom
Dear Ashley,
How dark was it down there?
Dear Ashley,
you used to cry yourself
to sleep every night
with dry tears and letters
Dear Ashley,
I am so much stronger now
Dear Ashley,
I learned how to hit back,
Dear Ashley,
It took 2 years
to climb out of the
hole your brain had dug
but I didn't realize
until I was standing again
that the walls
were made of ladders
Dear Ashley,
I cringe when I hear people say
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,”
because I had to kill myself to stand up again
Dear Ashley,
Thank you.