“Hark my friends -- lo and behold
I show this thing -- not mere and small
Not meek or weak or bad at all
But something more valuable than gold

“Now feast your eyes upon this gem
Do not get too close -- or risk death
For this thing that I have broughteth
Is but the flower to a stem

“This unseen facet I've foretold
Will be explained in these here words
Has your curiosity stirred?
Listen to my po'm unfold

“In mountains far and vast in size
I met a faerie good and wise
His form's exclusive to mine eyes
For he was hidden in disguise

“His guise was that of myco nature
An amanita ocreata
According to my mental data
Destroying angel was his stature

“But I knew -- though how, I don't,
That something was amiss from it
So I produced my shrooming kit
The spores glowed blue, so I was shownt

"How strange this fungus, so bright blue
It must be undiscovered yet
Though unprofessional, I made a bet
That it would be good in a stew

“But first I had to test a mite
To find for certain whether 'twas
Poisonous or safe to trust
I cut a bit and ate the bite

"Ouch" I heard cry from below
A tiny voice, it yelped in pain
I looked upon my specimen
Curses from the fungus flown

“I set -- or rather, dropped -- the shroom
Down in the dirt it rolled and groaned
Betwixt its mutters and its groans,
It chanted magic words of gloom

“But doom, it turns out, he did not
Utter to my self (perplexed)
For though I have a rep to vex
The mushroom transformed on the spot

“His form had altered from the mould
Into that a faerie should
Two wings sprouted from the hood
A tiny person, young and old

“I was relieved -- though somewhat trepid--
That the faerie was so kind
He didn't cast spells of bale or bind;
For, to him, I was insipid

“I spoke to the king and questioned him
His name, he said, was Aelfric Brightspore
His home was powerful -- not at all poor
An underground palace, full of his kin

"You wish so much to see my cavern?
Then you must truly make me weep
With brine, must Make my old eyes seep
For I’m content, and shed no tear’

"’A man walked into a pub one day’
Replied I, slyly, not too dryly
"’And bet the 'tender not ungaily
I'll stand on my head and there I'll stay’

"’Removing his legs of wood and cloth,
He placed their shoes flat on his skull
The 'tender gave the man his full
And one more bet he made aloft

“‘But first he whispered to his friend
“He wagered high stakes to the keep
'I'll pee in that cup without a peep
Not a drop I'll miss, though distant its send'

“‘The man did leek all over the place
Missing nothing but the cup
The 'tender laughed and said, ‘pay up
But first, why bet on this futile chase?’

“‘He replied with a look so sly
‘I wagered my friend here that surely you'd laugh
If I peed all over your pub so daft
A large sum of money, between him and I’’

“The great faerie king, he keeled, guffawed
He teared and wheezed and cried and sneezed
I joined in his laughter, elbowed and teased
We bonded then, the time unflawed

“With much pursuit, I won at last
Persuaded him to lead me to
His haunt where he ruled just and true
He lead me to there; twas not fast

“We walked through forest, paths and creeks
Until we came upon a hill
A grassy hill -- untamed, un-tilled
Twas in good view of mountain peaks

“The great fay king lead me right to his home
Pointed abstrusely at a mossy slope
I felt like such a clumsy dope
Until I walked up side the dome

“I found myself within a dream
It was so odd; phantasmagoric
Whatever, I felt the most euphoric
The farthest walls, obscured with steam

“Between the walls and where I stood
Was nothing more than fantasy
Or maybe it was sorcery
But somewhere deep beneath the hood
Of logic and beyond all reason
I sometimes doubt my doubtfulness
Of all that is not full of dullness
I saw before me a fifth season

“It was a boisterous scene, all crowded
Full of faerie folk and magic
So stunned was I that I was static
Until I moved when Aelfric shouted

“He broke the lapse of time abruptly
And offered food and wine the best
I ate and drank with evident zest
Then followed the king to my chamber wearily

“Past Jugglers and tricks and beasts of lore
Tamed and wild and great and small
Beautiful maidens, both winged and tall
Tired was I, though not t’all bored

“I slept a mite then snuck from there
Stealthy as a mouse was I
Skulking through the hallways sly
Until a door I cleared with care

“Within were treasures, gems and gold
But past all that was one stone odd
I pocketed it and, with a nod,
Went back to my bed with the gem I’d stole

“Next morn I thanked my host so glad
And left as if ‘twas from a dream
And walked thence through the pale moonbeam
Back here, without rue or thoughts nigh sad

“This stone I show is not mundane
Its power sources from the king
The purpose of it is not mere bling
Nor will I sell for money nor gain

“The magic of this stone can bend
Reality which you think is fixed
Be thankful, for my worthy ethics
For aid this world, I too can rend

Unwary of the gem’s true grief
The poor man turned into a frog
And lived his days out in the bog
For th’is the fate of a fayland thief