I am one-
1 in 68, to be exact.
This is the ratio that compares the rate of
Children affected with autism to
Their neurotypical peers.
But I am placed
In the shadows of autistic
Boys because there are
4 of them versus
1 of me,
And that’s just in general.

My life has been filled with
More letters and
Numbers than the amount of colorful thumbtacks
On my mother’s bulletin board.
At a point, I used
To only have three letters
By which I’d be known,
And they were
K-A-I.
Then came
Thumbtack #1:
My diagnosis at age 3 resulted in
Six more letters being
Added onto me-
PDD-NOS, a high functioning
Form of autism.

Who knew that these letters could make life so
Different?

Thumbtack #2:
If I were to be placed beside
68 other people,
Then I’d stick out worse than that stray piece
Of hair on the top of my head.
1 in 68.

I thought the only number I needed was
My age…

Soon, it was time for me to
Head off to school like
All of my older siblings were doing.
I was too young
To know it then, but
I was put into
A “self-contained”
Class with the kids who everyone knew
Were different.

Thumbtack #3:
Because I had PDD-NOS,
I was to get an IEP-
Individualized Education Plan.
This IEP was supposed to help me mature and grow
As I went through school,
But it only added three
More letters to my name.

12 letters in all… Strange how only 3
Of them are truly mine.

But I’ve been longing to break away
From the barrier that places me in between
The worlds of
Conformity and creativity.
I want to be free from
The letters I-E-P and
PDD-NOS,
But the latter I can’t do
Since it would be like taking away
The color of my skin.
I want to get away from the people who
Pity me and say
“Oh you poor thing”
Because of my insufficient social
Skills.

Instead of wasting their time
Pitying me,
Why aren’t they the ones who spend their
Precious time helping me learn by
Speaking to me.
A simple “hello” would do.

And to those who rely
On jokes and insults targeting me
To make their day,
I thank you.
As much as I hate your ignorance,
I can give you credit for one thing:

You may have helped me understand
the truth behind the shadows in my reflection;
light is often predictable, after all.

But I am one-
1 in 68, to be exact,
And  the absolute value of a number is never negative.