I’m pit sick
There are rusted prongs
Stabbing into my gut

I can feel vacuums
Sucking air
From my lungs

Stop trying to fix me
The dust on my bones
Is permanent
You can’t clean me
Stop daring me to
Swallow bleach  -  You know I want to

Don’t clean up my mess
I can’t find anything
Why did you try to
Re-wire
My brain?

I thought you loved me
Weren’t you supposed to protect me?
Why’d you turn me into a faulty circuit
With a bulb that only lights half the time

It’s too dim for me to read anything and
I don’t trust
The candy coated words
You drip into my ears

They’re too sweet and they
Stick in my brain
Like honey
It’s sunny outside
But I feel foggy

My mid remains stuck in a
Pre-adolescent state of panic
Loud noises
Paralyze me
Whispers are like screams
Loud voices
Gunshots
And I am tired of being afraid

I used to stare out my bedroom window
Watch the girl next door
Her father’s hands around her throat
I felt bad for her
I felt the weight of the harsh palms
That crushed her neck
And I wasn’t sure why
I wish I knew how to save her

I went to a cold hospital
In the middle of November
Met a boy who took acid so many times
He started to think he was God

His eyes were made of crystals
And when he cried
Slivers of glass
Crept out of his tear ducts
And left trails of blood
Down his cheeks

His insides were lined
With sidewalks made of black tar
He was violated by old men
One too many times
And I couldn’t save him

I watched him loose his mind
But he made me promise
To never follow him

Flowers won’t grow
If you water them
With alcohol

And you’re a broken
Wind up doll
Not a miracle
A tragedy
Kids killing kids
This isn’t street violence
This is war

There is a parasite
Inside of me
I can feel it
Swallowing my insides
I think my bones are made of dust
From grand earth quakes
My bones are made of
Dead people
Bury me alive
I swear I won’t complain

I have spent my entire life
Throwing rocks at windows
Only to discover they were mirrors
and my monsters were
Standing right behind me
This entire time