Happiness

Why should I have it?

It'll just be thrown away.

You may think you see a happy girl,

but you don't.

Inside I'm angry, ashamed, depressed, disgusted, guilty, irritated, scared, and felt vulnerable.

Angry at the world,

Ashamed that I have a crazy family,

Depressed at my own gloomy feelings,

Disgusted that I'm alive,

Guilty that I lie to my friend, I tell them I'm fine but I'm not,

Irritated that my brother won't grow up,

Scared that my family might drift apart, 

I felt vulnerable at my weakest.

That dire* pain inside just won't go away, 

The rapture* I once felt has faded,

I try not to admit defeat, 

yet there is no denying it.

My happiness has vanished,

I have tried to avert* from things that make my happiness bloom,

yet I can't. 

Why won't it go away?

All the pain and insanity.

I hate all the condolence* from people who know.

Why can't I just watch the crismson red blood drip on the floor as the 'life' in my eyes die out?

Let my sky blue eyes give out to Thantos' grip. 

Let my skin go snow white.

I think it's funny, 

Most people Death.

We all have to die sometime,

Why not now?

Why should I live when I have when I nothing to live for?

I'll still have pain sticking to me like glue.