I remember all the times I used to open the side door and take a seat in your car. With a quick side-glance at me you would smile, Id smile back immediately, my cheeks turning rosy. You always had that effect on me, utter happiness with zero thoughts. 80 on side streets, completely reckless for no reason at all, if not to just get to the location a minute faster. Then we would be there our favorite spot, the one with the white sand clear ocean and the oink lifeguard stand. The place where you would talk about our future while holding my hand. Then wed take a short walk to the pier to eat at our favorite mom and pop restaurant, you know the one with the twinkling white lights on the door? Id order an ice water with lemon and you would order the same but ask for two lemons.
          When the waitress finally returned with them you would do that thing that I pretended to hate but really loved, you would order for me. Remember how we would sit there for hours? Laughing just happily together? I hope you do. Then after countless annoyed looks from our waitress we would finally leave. Back into your car back to 80 miles per hour. The car took us aimlessly around town because we really had no where to go. But at the time it didn’t feel like that, because when I was with you I was in the right place.
           Finally we might decide to see a movie. Remember when we watched The Way? You thought it looked sappy but I thought it looked adorable. It didn’t take much too convincing though, you were sweet like that. I offered to buy our tickets but you refused to let me. So out of guilt I bought us popcorn. Half of which I ended up throwing at you after the third time you fell asleep. When the end credits rolled you threw your arm around me and I knew it was time to go home. Driving 80 miles per hour all the way back to my house, it was a miracle you were never pulled over.
           Id tell you I didn’t want to leave and you would say the same, but we always did it was our way of saying goodbye. Life was predictable like that for a long time. Then one day it wasn’t. It was raining and you were supposed to be here by 10 am, but you were late. I was annoyed by 10:10, angry by 10:30, and worried by 11. Your mom called me by 12. She told me you weren’t coming, actually you would never come to pick me up again. You really did love going 80, huh? Reckless for no reason. Now see what’s happened, you lost control. You flipped.
           Now here I am a week later in all black, staring at your casket and I don’t want to believe you’re gone. I’ve never felt so alone.