Do you ever feel worthless?
Do you ever feel used and undefined?
Do you ever want to take a break
and lose your mind into nothingness?
It’s taking all I’ve got
to forget about
society,
sizes,
looks,
likes and dislikes,
colors,
beliefs,
Imperfections.

Every morning,
I wake up reluctantly,
I put on clothes,
make-up,
do my hair,
and then all I do is stare…
None of it is enough.

Am I beautiful now…?
I tuck in my stomach,
I pucker my lips,
I poke out my chest.
Will people accept me now?
No.
I change my clothes again,
A single tear may escape,
Or a moan of
jealousy,
hatred,
and exhaustion.

I start to feel sick and wonder,
should I stay home?
Or show my face to the outside world?
But, I have to go.
My parents make me.
They don’t know that pain I feel,
or the people I dread to see once again.
Everyone seems so perfect around me,
they seem like they don’t have a care in the world.
Like, they aren’t as unhappy as I am.
Am I the only one who feels this?
I highly doubt it.
How could I be the only one in the world to
feel...unhappy.
The friends I have act like they like me,
the people I see are mean to each other.
Maybe it’s their way to hide the pain.
They seem to be comfortable in their own skin…
they seem to be….
happy.

But I guess anyone
can manipulate
a smile.

Like I do everyday.