As each day passes I grow more and more aware of the terrible things and terrible people in this world. The good in people gets drained out of them every second. We cause each other so much pain, and the little good we do bring each other is often forgotten or taken for granted. I do not understand why it is so hard for people to just treat each other the way they want to be treated. Just a little more sensitivity could fix this, but the kind get crushed by the overbearing selfish. Dishonesty is so easily forgiven but I cannot and will not understand why. I think there is no God, but if there is he is not as all-loving and merciful as they say.
I hate people. I also love people. It is a common misconception that you cannot hate and love at the same time. But this confliction is heavy, and pushing it off myself in the morning is increasingly difficult. When your reasons for staying alive diminish to such things as the temporary pain your absence would cause, or that people would think you a coward, it gets easier and easier to think lights out would be better than getting through another day. After being plagued with migraines and stomach pains and joint pains for eleven years to the point where it all forced me into introversion, it is impossible to allow myself hope that these symptoms will ever rest.
It is not just my own pain that drives this. It is the pain of the world, which turned my empathy into a punishment. Everyone has a lot of good in them and many also have a lot of evil. The pain tears at the good in them, and the good in the world is never appreciated as it should be. We are a weak people, but if people take these words to heart maybe I can change it even just a little.
As for what happens after I am gone, I imagine for me it will simply be nothingness. For you it may be more complicated. All that I ask is for a closed casket, and not to be primped, prodded, and injected with chemicals to make me pretty. I would like to be cremated. There is nothing pretty about this. Also, please make sure that everyone who attends my wake and funeral was kind. If they cared for me and showed it while I was alive, they should be there. I do not want any people coming to satisfy their own weak guilt.

Do not pity me. I am finally taking control. This is what I want. Do not think me a coward. It takes much courage to do a thing such as this. Do not forget me. Remember the happiness I brought and talk of how I helped.

Love always,

"-------------"