The feeling that you get when you want to scream out to the world that you are hurt and that you matter just like everyone else, but you don't want to feel like a burden to everyone else and instead keep your emotions bottled up inside.

We feel desperate to be free of this cruelty, of this oppression. We see so many faces, our family and friends, yet our life experiences has thought us not to trust. We see them and do not speak, even when they offer their help, because our life experience has thought us rejection. We have a chance to forget yet life our experience has thought us to remember. We live in our own worst nightmares.


And what comes after this worse.
We start to create monsters inside our heads, what we think is a better version if ourselves. Create a better superior form of ourselves, that still calls us names. It still calls us worthless and a waste of breath, why do you bother to eat,why do you bother to speak, why do you bother to live. It orders us to act like it, to be remorseless and hateful. To be cruel. Our old self is pushed aside and into a corner, legs up to its chest and left crying, turning frail and broken once more.

But only understand, who you see is not us. When we smile, we hide our sadness. When we laugh, we mask our cries. When we are with others, we are only more lonely. When we speak we our lips only move. And that we are hopelessly broken.