It was a cloudy frigid day; the autumn breeze swept the dry brown colored leaves to another area. The wind brought chills through my body. Everything was grey, a dark grey world where no one felt or thought about anyone, no one was considerate, and no one was thoughtful enough to care. I felt the warm teardrops trickle down my face, I tried to wipe them off but they just kept pouring out of my eyes. What had happened that day was terrible, I felt alone, I felt lost; it was indeed a terrible time. I didn’t know why she did it. She was gone forever. “I couldn’t do anything.” I whispered to myself knowing that I was hopeless and that she had killed herself and I didn’t do anything. The day before this had happened me and her got into a fight and haven’t talked since and never will… My heart shattered and I just felt like hiding and crying in a hole. “Are you okay?” my mother said. I nodded my head and got into the car. It started to rain and the lightning flashed so strong. I kept thinking and feeling that it was my fault, but was it really?

I moved on from that time and slowly felt better with guidance of people and support from others. Knowing that I am a very introverted person who likes to be alone and doesn’t like to be bothered much, people left me alone. Things changed from that point. I found myself in the middle of eight grade, quiet and changed. I felt like I had migrated in my own spirit and that I wasn’t the loud free-minded teenager anymore, I wasn’t myself. I started to become painfully shy to the verge of tears when I had to talk to someone, for example my own teacher. This event left scars that would never be healed but why not heal them yourself and move on with life, is what I felt. So I did, I moved on with my life and tried to work hard in school but I was still lost.

It was the first day of first grade, I was so tiny. My mother slowly dried my wet hair with a powerful blow dryer. She wafted my hair and gave a sudden “yumm” your hair smells so wonderful, just like sweet cherry blossoms in the spring. She tied my hair so nicely in the back and sprayed a nice perfume on my clothes. I was so extremely excited to start first grade, considering that my kindergarten teacher was absolutely splendid and I enjoyed it very much. We walked to the school, while the yellow cabs passed by I was amazed by cabs. I slowly entered the classroom with my tiny backpack in the search for my friends from last year. I was a weird child, I had friends but I didn’t know their names, I guess I just forgot to ask them what their names were.