I use my laptop to drown out the feedback in my head. Feedback from a life I never knew would happen to me. I let out the tainted feedback from my lungs and gulp down the vast distraction of all the internet has to offer. Cosplay, cat pictures, portions of Watson’s Journal keep me sedated, so I don’t have to face the reality of my waking life. My modem broke this weekend. My distraction up in literal smoke, I was faced with endless expanses of time to kill, and feedback to drown out. Feedback from my 19 year old brother, an emotion cripple with a lack of motivation. Feedback from my 9 year old brother whose eyes I look as lost as I feel, who I will have to leave soon, for college. The gilbert grape in me feels like I’m choosing college over him, but I can’t hold onto that. I’m still deafened slightly by the loud echo of feedback from over a year ago. A mother without a job. I wish it were faultless, I wish I could just pin it on her mental ills, or some unknown force that is responsible for our misfortune, but that feels too much like lying. She said to me yesterday to something I said “that’s just crazy.” THAT’S JUST CRAZY. I couldn’t take it. Has she looked around? We’ve been living in crazy for over a year. I couldn’t offer a rebuttal. Wracking sobs took over my body, as the feedback washed in my ears again.