You left me
Aware that it was going to end
I didn't want it to end
No lovers want their love to end
Without "love", they're just "ers"
And what are "ers"?
There's no such thing
Although it does sound special
A prefix, a suffix...
Rare; it's so original
Does that make me original?
I acknowledge that I am; we all are
But I have lost the main key to my prefix/suffix
And hence, I do not feel like "ers" has a place
But is just an addition,
An extension
The extensive nights & times I have cried
Knowledgeable & aware of the fact that we would come to an end
I didn't want us to reach the end
My end? No, it wasn't my end
I was in a light...
And before that, in the middle
Darker as we proceed to the very beginning
I feel as if we walk backwards now
With all these halts in the middle
All these windows emitting subtle light behind foggy gray
Voices emerging from behind them
Reminding me to pick myself back up again and that I am going in the wrong direction
Not weak, but not strong enough yet
Or am I too strong but gradually growing weaker?
Parts dying, not falling to pieces
Just falling... Happiness falling down the wrong path into the dark
Addicted to the pain
I could only be so happy when so blind
Unwilling to acknowledge reality or the truth
I let my fantasy world soak up my thoughts and heal me for once!
Where an angel-man protects me
Embraces me
Makes me feel loved and
Supports me... Like a trampoline.
At each halt of the tunnel, all I want to do is bounce right back up
Make me bounce back up
But don't let me depend on it
Don't let me fall too loosely and continuously bounce off point after point
Rather sharpen my backbone some more
Possibly pierce some more enlightenment too
And it will hurt... The whole piercing process
Learning to love myself
Realizing that in life, I'll always be crawling back to me
Even when extra support is nice when given by another
Who would want to support the unsupported in a world so cruel?
Too much in shock to cry just yet
I haven't since you left
But I have shed a few tears one night...
In my sleep.
The pain is all compressing itself
Underneath that shower plug
Being twisted further out my heart when for some reason it should be piercing in.
I avoid the pain when I can't,
I have to deal with it and I do
So, maybe it's just the whole state of shock-
Frozen
That my thoughts remain fixed in place, then begin wandering...
Wondering how else they could melt and flow into actions and words.
Express.