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When first I saw the letter,
I thought I'd feel better.
To know there was someone
Else there before he was done.
To warn him of his greatest mistake,
Before his own life the drugs did take.
But the bitter irony of every word,
The desperate love is all I heard.
You loved him enough,
It must have been so tough.
You were old enough to comprehend,
The broken heart that will never mend.
Maybe I am jealous of you somehow.
I will never know him now.
Memories escape me
These tears tape me.
No memories are there,
I can not pretend not to care.
At least you knew what you lost,
Even if your memories have a high cost.
I think I would be willing to pay,
If I could only remember one day
In the life of the man who gave me mine.
After birth I only had one month's time
Before his body left this world,
Into a life of confusion I was hurled.
Now all I have left of him are material things,
And of them no good feeling do they ever bring.
He had a clear, conscious choice.
And now he will never voice
Anything, he is too dead.
And because of that you will forever be trapped in my head.
I would say heart,
But I am unsure of that part.
So thank you dear sister,
For saying Dad to the mister
Who gave me life then left his own,
To leave me here all alone.
Even if I believed in heaven, I do not know
If that is where you would actually go.
Maybe I didn't know you, at all,
But the repercussions of his fall
Will haunt me forevermore,
Until I do not care anymore.