BULIMIA | Teen Ink


February 9, 2008
By Heather Allen, Hilton, NY

I’m the girl
Who wears those old
Broken shoes everywhere.
I runaway from home
Every other day
Of the week.
I’m the girl
That beat up
The captain of the football team
in 3rd grade.
I still say
“He deserved it”
‘Cause he did.
I’ll always be the girl
That loves blood
And guts no matter what.
I splash in mud puddle
And throw snowballs at you
Well, ice balls really.
I was the girl
That wore baseball jerseys
And baggy cargo pants
Everyday of middle school.
I was the girl
That got called “butch”
And “skinny skank” because
You just never understood me.
I am the girl
That burned her baseball jerseys and cargo pants
And threw out those old shoes
And bought some heels
After I got sick of those comments
I was the girl
That came to high school, different
With designer labels and a new hair color
Just tryin’ to fit in.
I became the girl
That had those fake friends
And knock off purses.
I still didn’t really like boys
And I still lied about it
Just so those girls wouldn’t notice
I was the popular girl, after awhile
I had my posse of clones
And my superstar boyfriend
We made out in the halls
Just to prove something
Even though I didn’t really want him.
I was the girl
In the bathroom everyday after lunch
Puking up everything I just consumed.
Then I was the girl
That went “away” over the summer
While all of you partied.
I became the girl in rehab
And the girl who had people watch her
At all times, making sure she was “good”
I had lost the fake friends and pretend boyfriend
They didn’t like “needy” people.
I was the girl who was always alone
Nobody wanted a friend under watch
Nobody wanted a popular on the outs
I was a zombie person
Eat. Sleep. Eat. Eat. Sleep.
Then I was the girl
Who wasn’t strong anymore
I never felt beautiful again
No day was a good day
Just days filled with food and tears.
I was the girl alone at lunch
Until one day
A bright faced boy sat down
I was eating my massive lunch
Holding back tears the whole time, like everyday
I figured he would do something rude, and then leave
He didn’t.
Then I became the girl
With a beautiful friend
He walked me to my classes and
Ate. With. Me.
Instead of watching me
He called me, giggled with me, he
Cared. About. Me.
Then I was one of those girls
Who “liked” a boy. Genuinely
And he was the boy I actually wanted
He told me everyday
“you are beautiful”
soon I became the girl who
Believed. In. Herself.
I believe when he told me
I held my head higher
And stopped needing watchmen
He never left me alone
Not even once.
Then I was the girl
With the perfect boyfriend
He was everything that held me up
The best friend I needed, the rock
When we touched, rockets left earth
And no matter the weather
The sun in me shined so bright.
I was the happy girl
With something to live for, again
Something besides
The latest trends and parties on the weekend
I was the girl
Who ate when hungry and
Kept. It. Down.
And smiled
Not just to fool everyone
Like the old days
I started to have friends again
Ones that were real this time.
I was the girl
That made the biggest comeback
Our junior class has ever seen.
I was the girl
That needed to be saved
And that bright faced boy came along
And gave me something
Other than food, like everyone else did
I was the girl
That finally forgave
Everyone that had shoved her down
And I had finally
Discovered the joy of chocolate
And the comfort a boy can give.
I was the girl
That decided
Maybe what she went through
Was only to make her a stronger person
I also was the girl
Who changed her mind
About love
I decided maybe it did exist after all
I was the girl
That loved you.

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This article has 3 comments.

on Jan. 15 2011 at 9:50 pm
falling10ssupernova SILVER, Warwick, New York
8 articles 0 photos 43 comments
really soo great im in the downward part of this struggle right now hope it gets better like ur story

Artz said...
on Aug. 13 2008 at 8:08 pm
that is such a wonderful story, I wish mine was like that

SeaPoppy said...
on Aug. 9 2008 at 11:23 pm
^_^ what a beautifully written story. This is great.

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