I Exist | Teen Ink

I Exist

January 30, 2010
By Ashlyn_Starr PLATINUM, Oak Grove, Missouri
Ashlyn_Starr PLATINUM, Oak Grove, Missouri
31 articles 17 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life often feels like it's spinning. Just stop and look at the design being made."~ Advice given to me by my aunt Kaitlyn

I loved her
With all my heart
But as I continued
As I wandered through this life
I realized
I could never be near her

Not as close as I wanted
Not as far as was needed
I just wanted her
Wanted us to be together
But not all wishes
Are allowed to come true

She would sit there
Write in her journal
Draw on her sketchpad
Make me feel totally useless
Like I didn’t exist
But I did

I was always there
Watching over her
Guiding her
Protecting her
From her own guilt

She kept going on
Making it out like she couldn’t hear me
Couldn’t see me

“I’m right here
Look at me”
I would yell

But no matter what
I was still invisible to her
What could I do
To make my friend
My other half
Realize I was
And still am
Very much alive

Why does she ignore me
Why does she continue to pretend
I’m not real

I don’t like it
Don’t like it at all
Every day it’s the same thing
I’m going to fall

Will she help me then
Or will she be too wrapped up
In that little world of hers
No one really knows
But her

I’m tired of this
I want to be seen
I want to be heard
I want her
Just her
To notice that I exist

The author's comments:
I wrote this poem during a dark time. A good friend of mine was drifting away from me and i was feeling like i had drifted from everyone. Especially her. In this poem it shows basically my struggle to keep close to her.

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