You know that one song you have with your soulmate?

The one that makes others raise their brows,

But to you two it meant your lives. 

"Rock Lobster" Fred schnieder and ricky wilson. 

An odd song it is to share, 

But to the two that did, it meant everything.

It meant waking up at 3 am every morning to greet him at our door

When his family couldn't love him like we could. 

It meant sleep overs on school nights,

When his home wasnt a home anymore.

It meant calling him my brother 

When his own sister couldn't utter those words.

It meant saying goodbye,

When his family finally pretended to care. 

It meant waiting to hear back,

When things went downhill again.

It meant watching from the outside,

Wondering if he remembers my love. 

It meant never forgetting each other,

Even if one of us has. 

It meant wishing on a star like a princess would in the movies, 

Just to hope to see him smile one more time. 

The words of our song, "rock lobster"

Were not directltly our relationship. 

It was the memories. 

And when I talk about our relationship

The one we have between a boy and a girl,

I don't mean the kind of relationships like puppy love

The memories that play in my mind with the song

Like an old tape projector rolling a screen on an old sheet hung on the wall.

It all plays in black and white

Because we were unkown of the problems around us.

We just danced like nobody was watching. 

But they were,

Everyone was. 

They told me I was too young to love

They watched us like we were a young couple madly in love. 

We were just 8 years old the first time they watched

We only lay in the couch together after an exhausting day, 

But they still split us up with heavy disappointment. 

But girls can only love boys, right?

We were 10 the next time they watched. 

He was my only friend, but they still called us a couple. 

But girls can't be friends with boys, right?

The last time they watched we were 12.

We thought we would see each other again,

We made a funeral sound so beautiful,

The way we talked about seeing each other again. 

He went, and he waited for me,

But I never came. 

I was told to stay home by my mother. 

Surely boys and girls could be friends, right?

I always heard the same thing though

"It's just a crush" I was told

"You talk about him too much not to like him" they said.

I told them back though

"It's not that Kind of love"

"He's my brother, even if he isnt."

30 year old brain in a 16 year olds body, 

I still wish on that same star every night

Hoping to get my happily ever after like the disney princesses did.

But I'm not cinderella. 

Im not a princess in a big dress waiting for my prince to non consentually kiss me awake

I am me.

I am the me that wants my best friend back

I am the me that isnt going to be told

"He can't be your friend, you love him"

"You can't love her, she's your friend"

I can be friends with girls. 

and I can be friends with boys.

I can love girls

and I can love boys.

I can love whoever I want 

Because they are not me

I am me

And I loved him.

Not the kind of love I would have for a spouse or lover,

But the love I have for someone who was there for me.

When my grandfather killed himself.

When my parents hated each other.

When my home didn't feel like a home either. 

When my own life didn't feel like living. 

Neither of us could fit in this world separately

So we made our own together. 

Our world of early morning talks,

And sitting by ourselvestogether at unch.

Our world of writing comic books for each other

And staying up late watching movies

Our world of dancing to rock lobster on my old wii

Because we made it our song despite what they told us.