I stand facing my messy yard, watching the leaves continue to multiply and scatter all over the place. 

The mess is hard to disguise. 

What’s the point in hoping for new tools when all I have is a broken rake?

Every year, as the fall and winter seasons approach, 

all I ever want is to gather my leaves into one big pile in hopes that I can have a nice normal yard like everyone else and enjoy my holidays, 

not stressing about being judged for what people can see. 

If I gather all of my leaves together into a pile and stuff it all down into one big bag,

Do you think everyone will think I have my yard together?

Will they admire my put-togetherness?

Or will they look beyond my scraped together leaves,

And see the bigger mess hidden in the back of my yard?

Every year it's the same.

I stand strong and grip my broken rake, and when I am finally fooled into believing I’ve scraped all of the leaves together, an unexpected gust of wind appears and blows the leaves around.

I am faced with flying colors.

Again and again I continue to open my trash bag wide

Ready to shove these conflicts down in an attempt to hide.

But instead, I’m left with my tears falling like the leaves.

The wind is disappointing, but can I really say unexpected? 

Yes the sun was out, but it was blocked by gray and heavy clouds. 

The air was frigid from the moment I arrived, and after all, the tension casting over is something I expect every holiday. 

I guess even for the holidays these leaves won't cooperate. 

Not the wilting ones, not the sharp ones, not even the ones you spent the most time trying to gather.