Heaven | Teen Ink

Heaven MAG

June 17, 2009
By awesomeaugust GOLD, Boston, Massachusetts
awesomeaugust GOLD, Boston, Massachusetts
10 articles 0 photos 176 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground"
~Theordore Roosevelt

Just through the clouds
Just beyond the bloody orange sunset
Lie golden gates
Lie people's fates
No hate
No crime
No war
No dying
You're a spirit
You're one with God

On this earth
So filled with
It's hard to be sure
Sure that it's there
And sometimes
I cry
Because I think
How disappointed God must be
In me
For doubting
Then I look
At the night sky
So black
Anything could be out there
The possibilities are endless
I look at the stars
A tiny billion miracles
Waiting to shine
Brighter, brighter
Than ever before
And my mom calls to me
“Go to bed, Sofia!”
Because it really is
Very late
No time for a little girl to be up
So I just peek
One last look at that black canvas
Full of miracles
And I smile
Because He's there
I know He is

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This article has 29 comments.

KathleenE. said...
on Jul. 24 2009 at 1:45 pm
The second part of the poem definitely picked it up and showed your talents. However, the first part seemed a little forced and juvenile in the rhymes--if you edit it a bit, your poem would be so much stronger. But, as it is, you have a beautiful poem.

on Jul. 24 2009 at 11:09 am
SnehaChatterjee PLATINUM, Kolkata, West Bengal, India, Other
45 articles 2 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
Two roads diverged in the woods and I,
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference

Wow! awsome poem! n thnx for d comment on my article!

Zero_K DIAMOND said...
on Jul. 22 2009 at 10:20 pm
Zero_K DIAMOND, Moosic, Pennsylvania
83 articles 0 photos 435 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life's no fun if you're not insane, otherwise you grow up to be an accountant." -Moi

I like the emotion in this, your poetry is beautiful. But, I must agree with SilverDawn, the description of the sunset as bloody doesn't jive with the peaceful and curious elements in this poem. Maybe you could describe it as blushing to maybe add some personification and keep with the over all mood of the poem. Over all great job. <(o.0)> ZERO

on Jul. 22 2009 at 3:47 pm
MattRgrs PLATINUM, Maplewood, New Jersey
20 articles 0 photos 8 comments
This is a great poem. I’ve been there myself many times. I don’t believe in any religion but I definitely believe in a god. it is difficult not to when you just take a look around.

ellabella25 said...
on Jul. 17 2009 at 9:51 pm
pretty good! I can relate to this feeling.

You should correct spelling errors (like "peak" to "peek" or "you're" to "your"). maybe adding puntuation and changing the paragraph structure could make the poem more interesting to read/look at. Also a less obvious title could help :)

on Jul. 17 2009 at 4:48 pm
SilverDawn GOLD, Burnaby, Other
10 articles 0 photos 297 comments
wow, great poem! your words are so truthful. it shocked me in the beginning though when you described the sunset as bloody. it didn't really seem to fit there. but i could see you were trying to infuse some literary devices and that's good. keep writing (:

AlexiaB BRONZE said...
on Jul. 14 2009 at 5:43 pm
AlexiaB BRONZE, MAcon, Georgia
1 article 0 photos 2 comments
This is a great poem i like how its related to actual ppl who sometimes doubt there is a heaven or a god

on Jul. 13 2009 at 5:38 pm
PinkPrincess GOLD, Wellington, Florida
17 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
I think therefore I am

i like the way your emotions flow through the words good job

on Jul. 12 2009 at 8:13 pm
project827 GOLD, Portage, Michigan
13 articles 1 photo 90 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Real Revolution Starts At Learning, If You're Not Angry, Then You Are Not Paying Attention" - Tim McIlrath

not bad, i think everyone can somehow relate to this one. nice work