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Deep Waters of Insecurity, Shallow Waters of Faith
As a young man, I have always tried to light
The way for my peers, to lead them into the open
Promised lands, but I fall short. The look on their face
Is nothing but disappointment. Their faith in me is gone.
And while I do my best to prove that I can win the blue
Ribbon, first place, I drown in the water.
The hope to succeed, followed by the shock of failure deepens the water
Of false security. Yet, they are still trying to find the light,
Just maybe not through me. I can tell by the mood, sounds of sad blues
That I will not come out on top. I will never open
The door for success but instead, peer in, looking for something that seems to be gone,
But was never there in the first place. But all they see is my “happy” face.
I cannot seem to build up the courage to face
The opposition of those whose faith is nothing but shallow water.
And when any support structures I once had are gone,
I begin to fear that one day I will not see the light
Of hope. However, I know that although my opportunities remain open,
one day I will have to face an emotional wave of black and blue.
That is all I feel inside. Emotional bruises, The black and blue
Of former transgressions. They are not noticeable just by looking at my “happy” face,
But rather a different point of view, a new book, a new chapter to be opened.
These newly felt feelings are shown when exposed to a familiar light,
Light, only shined through family and friends, visible even in the dark waters
of insecurity. All the fears, insecurities, and false hope, gone.
Once those difficult feelings are gone
I start to realize that all those feelings that were once blue,
Can be sparked with a little bit of self-confidence to create light
That can be spread to others. Now my “happy” face
Is truly happy. The deep waters of insecurity are evaporated into shallow waters,
Pools of faith. And as that faith grows, the sky will open
And rain will fall, deepening the pool of faith. Once the heart opens
And self-confidence grows, and insecurities are gone
And I no longer just see the water as water,
but as a pool of faith, shallow, but growing, I will no longer feel blue.
I will no longer feel the burden of putting on a fake happy face,
And I will truly understand the security of being in the light.
And as the water deepens, I will try to decrease the blue
Feelings. I will try to open the doors for those whose self-confidence is gone.
I will help them face insecurities and continue spreading the light.
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