I couldn't utter them without a tear coming down my cheek

I couldn't utter them without an invisible hand covering my mouth

without a sudden weight forcing its presence in my heart

but his face 

his face looked hurt when they didn't slip off my tongue as simply as they slipped off his 

his eyes begged me 

so i said them 

but when i did he smiled 

he cried tears that showed his joy 

he looked as if he had never been happy before 

and he held me 

he held me as i cried 

he held me as i stressed 

as my mind focused on a million thoughts at once 

the weight was gone but there was something there 

regret?

pain?

joy?

i couldn't identify it 

as if his grasp was preventing me from breathing, from thinking, from talking 

like a rope, cutting off my circulation 

i meant my words 

i meant them so much that it pained me but why?

why stress? 

why did i need to find the words if they were true? 

shouldn't they be at the tip of my tongue not buried in the pit of my stomach?

why wasn't it easy? 

three words and i was gone 

i was speechless 

i couldn't talk 

three words later and he was gone too 

and i was alone 

three words later and we ignore each other 

as if it was all a dream 

as if the three words were just as small as they seemed 

three words later and i'm still the one crying