I wish I didn’t care what people think, but I do.

I think about what THEY could be thinking because I know that there’s things. Things they’d never say out loud. 

But what if they’re thinking them?

Do they think I’m pretty? Do they think I’m smart? Do they think my outfit matches and would they tell me if they didn’t? 

I WISH I didn't care what people think.

But I do. 

Oh no, the chef got my order wrong. Should I send it back? 

No. 

They’ll think I’m rude.    But I can’t eat it like this… You know what? I can just go without, it’s fine, I wasn’t that hungry anyways.

And what do they think when they see me in the hallway alone? Do they think I have no friends? I promise I do.    I do.  I promise. 

What about the way I’m walking, do they think it’s weird? Am I going too fast? Maybe I should slow down. Do I look happy enough? Maybe I should smile more. But then it will look forced.

Ok no smile.

I wish I didn’t care about what people think.

But I do.

Oh look they texted me. How long should I wait to respond? I can’t answer too quick but if I wait too long they might think I’m ignoring them. This shouldn’t be this hard. Why is this so hard. 

What if I mess up? Make a mistake? Will they think I’m horrible at what I do? Will they think it’s embarrassing? 

Did they even notice? 

When I think about it I don’t think these things about other people. I don’t think the people alone in the halls have no friends and I don’t think that it’s rude to get the meal you asked for. I don’t think that smiling too little makes you negative or that doing it too much makes you fake. I don’t think responding too quickly makes you desperate or that waiting too long means you don’t care.

But what if they think these things about me?

I wish I didn’t care what people think…

But I do.

I do care.

I care if people think I’m funny and I care if they like my clothes.

I care if people think I’m nice and even more so if they don’t. 

I wish I didn’t care, but it’s not all that bad. I appreciate people’s opinions and at LEAST I care. That’s better than not caring at all, right? 

I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong…

What do YOU think?