The feeling of critters crawling on you, but there's nothing there. The constant need for everything to be perfect, even if it's not perfect. Anxiety is a nuisance that nobody wants to get, but it’s not in anyone's hands to give. Everyone gets anxiety in some way shape or form whether some only get it once a week or others who constantly have it. There's no cure, but there's things to do that can help.

Anxiety is the feeling of constant worry, not knowing what's wrong or why, but something is. It doesn't go away, like a lingering shadow following you all day, every day. Trying to distract yourself but you can't, constantly shaking your leg or tapping your pencil. Your jaw is constantly clenched, shoulders are always upright. People saying "why are you worried, don't be!" I crave to just "let go" and not worry but it's not that easy, it's almost impossible. The urge to randomly scream in a silent room full of people but you can't, even if the urge is so strong that it rips you apart. It's difficult to breathe steadily, just like it's difficult to understand that not everyone is looking at you and judging you. 

Sometimes, anxiety allows me to rethink important decisions. Thinking a million “what ifs?” that are likely never gonna happen. Planning ahead is helpful in relieving some anxiety, and having an idea of what the future will look like. It’s calming to plan, sitting down at a desk, and writing out the agenda for the upcoming week in pen. But even after planning or trying to relieve the anxiety, trying to sleep is seen as a task, and it’s a difficult one. Trying to sleep allows time for thinking, which isn’t good for people with anxiety. Thinking of anything and everything, the past, the future, the present. The presentation that’s coming in a month terrifies me at night, even though it’s a month away. Playing with the bedding, trying to find a comfortable position where it’s not too hot under the fluffy blanket and smooth sheets. Trying to simply not think, but it’s impossible. 

From the outside perspective, She has brown eyes that glisten like honey in the sun and silky brown hair with strands of blonde. She stands 5 feet tall with 4 inches, not tall but not short, just average. Sometimes she wears glasses, and she has her own unique style. She's always cheerful and her smile could light up a room. Ever since she could remember, she loved to talk to other people, even if she didn’t show it. She loved to make others smile and brighten up their day, even if she was having an awful one. Nobody would know that she is always uneasy, unless they saw her bitten fingernails or her constant fidgeting. 

Imagine a paradise, in a lavender field, surrounded by nothing but trees and land for miles. There's a slight breeze and it's sunny outside, not a single cloud in the sky. The sounds of birds singing are around you and your friends with the picnic basket filled with savory foods. But, to reach this paradise, you had to walk for miles, tredge up a mountain, walk across the edge of a volcano, fight a dragon, walk across a tightrope with anxiety weighing down on your shoulders. That's how hard it is to achieve peace while dealing with anxiety. When you finally reach paradise, you can't even enjoy it fully. Instead, you're worried about what's next, what's gonna happen, all of the possibilities of what could go wrong. The birds start to sound like screeching, the bugs start biting, and the sky turns gray.

Helplessness is often what I feel with anxiety. Although it can be devastating, it has helped me be who I am. I can make jokes about it, it helps me plan ahead thoroughly. To an extent, I think everyone has anxiety. If you can learn to look at it from a new perspective, it will get better. Sometimes, it strengthens me, looking at it from a new perspective. It’s challenging to realize that everything isn't perfect, because nothing is perfect.