“Can you shut up?”

“No one likes it when you talk!”

“You’ll never make any friends, does that sum it up enough?”

Social anxiety

Hello dear friend

Or should I say enemy

I know where it started

I remember how we met

It was the first time I realized that it would be hard to make any friends

I don’t think I like you…

*sighs*

As a matter of fact I know I don’t like you

*social anxiety laughs*

“As if it matters if you like me, there’s nothing you can do about it”

“You HAVE to live with me”

“I’m the roommate you never asked for and can’t get ri-”

STOP

Leave me alone 

Please

leave me alone

Just let me sit and let me try to fit in

You blast lies in my ears

You’ve taken what were meant to be some of my best years

I hate you 

I despise you

I loathe you

I need you to leave me alone

Because this is my life 

MY life not yours

You don't own me

I’ve listened to your lies for long enough

I’m kicking you out but before I do

I want to thank you

Thank you for breaking my self-esteem

Thank you for making me feel like everyone talks behind my back

Thank you for making me feel like there’s no where I belong

Thank you for filling me with so much hate with every look that comes my way 

Thank you 

And for that you get a certified plaque for finally 

Finally breaking me

…

Unfortunately

I guess I should say that there is a part of me that actually is thankful.

Sadly 

Because while I may never get to feel the thrill of making new friends on my own

I know that because my walls have been built so high no one will ever hurt me again

And that means I’ll never let anyone in

I guess you could say I should stop feeling so ungrateful

…

Great, here you go again making me feel like you actually deserve praise

Where did it all go wrong?

Oh yea, I remember now

New girl, new town, new school

Scratch that

Scared little girl, new town, scary school

How could I have defended myself from your cruel words

Too young to understand

I didn’t even know what they meant

… 

until it was too late

Now these open wounds bleed on the ones who didn’t cut me

All because of you

I remember the day I first heard your lies

I yelled and I screamed at the top of my lungs

The size of my voice got smaller as I tried to yell louder

Yelling for you to stop

Yelling for you to leave me alone 

Yelling for you to stop cutting me to the bone

Crying for your voice to stop rising

Crying for you to stop devising these attacks against me 

I bled over the people who didn’t even cut me

For a long time I thought that this was it 

That from now it was just you and me and our crazy bit

But I’ve heard your lies long enough 

You’re done bringing me down

Pulling through the rough

You took me down but I’m bouncing back

I was lost and I got found like that

And everything you told me I wasn’t

Someone new told me I was

And everything you made me hate within

Someone else told me that something greater lied therein

I’m announcing it now that you can no longer hold me

So, I’m done listening to you and letting you control me

I’m walking away from the old me

And I’m finally throwing away the lies that you sold me

You knew that I’d find a way out sooner or later

I guess you just didn’t expect it to be sooner rather than later.