“Two parents seek entry-level son to perform
daily household chores (i.e. make bed, unload dishwasher),
and complete normal offspring duties,
including, but not limited to, listening when parents
are arguing and assuming it’s his fault; withholding his emotions until
the world around him caves in;
and eating pizza and watching the Lifetime channel with his mother while
they wait for his father to come home and
ruin everything.
Good communication skills, perfect
grades, dozens of extracurricular activities, and all other elements
associated with utopian
nuclear families apply. Full-time,
seven days a week, twenty-four
hours a day (including holidays). Pay is
minimal. Prior experience preferred. Fax resume to 201-555-0642.”