I wouldn't trust me

I'm never on balance 

my heart stops at texts and my stomach does backflips that can enter me into the Olympics 

My stomach sinks faster than the Titanic because my ability to say yes or no means meant life or death 

Anxiety is my closest companion

 I have chased tornados, been sucked in and spat out and survived, been thrown into a pool full of alligators and survived but the minute I have to talk to someone new, I don't feel good

I'm gonna throw up, I'm gonna blow up, hurry up Kaylee it's time to grow up 

Grow up, stop being so nervous 

Grow up, have some pride

Grow up, be a leader

But Is my life my own if I'm still a prisoner to their approval, to their opinion why can't I be good enough for me

Everyone I go around I tweak myself just so the screw fits perfectly the hundreds of screws are hidden in the toolbox way back behind my brain so far that I don't even realize it there

How can I grow if I can't even put myself into the situations that make me stronger, how can I be me if I don't try to be me, why can't I just have one screw?

I keep myself up at night thinking about the things I did wrong that day

You shouldn't have said that

You shouldn't have done that 

You shouldn't have eaten that 

My head starts to starts to shake my body gets hot, starts to leak sweat, my knuckles curl and what I have left of my chewed fingernails digs into my skin 

But one single tear comes out 

My friends ask the next day, Kaylee are you okay?

Yes, I am perfectly fine, I'm balanced, I'm fine. 

Perfectly fine. Everyone gets a little anxious sometimes. 

c