Eden | Teen Ink


May 26, 2009
By Fangz PLATINUM, Ware, Massachusetts
Fangz PLATINUM, Ware, Massachusetts
37 articles 15 photos 107 comments

Favorite Quote:
In necessariis unitas, in dubiis libertas, in omnibus caritas.

When darkness shrouds
The world around
In smoke that chokes
And rot abounds

I step outside
Where streams are cried
Where hopes take root
And winds are sighed

Its from this place
I saw your face
Reflected in
A pool of grace

Many a night
I've sipped the light
Shone from your star
Though small, so bright

Its only fair
To bring you there
Look out the window
If you dare

And step outside
No need to hide
I'll keep you safe
Right by my side

We'll take a walk
Where blossoms talk
With secret sands
That shadows mock

Please take my hand
And understand
That freedom stems
From but this land

Just wait and see
I swear you'll be
In divinity
Out there with me

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This article has 6 comments.

mhw582 GOLD said...
on Jun. 7 2010 at 10:26 pm
mhw582 GOLD, Concord, Massachusetts
11 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?" -Christopher Marlowe

i love this. "we'll talk a walk/where blossoms talk" was my favorite section. keep writing :).

Lonleydandy said...
on Mar. 3 2010 at 5:20 pm
Wow, that was really good!. I have to say I LOVE the rhyme scheme. The whole aaba thing was a great touch! Great job!!!

amyxu said...
on Jun. 12 2009 at 7:00 pm
At first, I was thinking it was a little vague, but by the last stanza I was hooked--great job! The rhyme scheme is a unique one and it makes the words come to life. I love the line "with secret sands/that shadows mock"! There's so much poetry out there that doesn't use any figurative language. So I jump up and down (figuratively speaking) whenever I come across metaphors, similies or any poetic devices! Your poem abounded with them! Hey, if you like to read rhyming poetry, come check out my poems "Scars Overpaid" and "The Statue."

on Jun. 1 2009 at 8:30 pm
kittykat123 SILVER, Fairmount City, Pennsylvania
8 articles 1 photo 9 comments
very good!!!!!!!:):)

on May. 30 2009 at 8:22 pm
dr-shadowbell GOLD, Porter Ranch, California
11 articles 0 photos 3 comments
beautiful! i really like this, especially the second stanza

on May. 29 2009 at 9:14 pm
Inkspired PLATINUM, Whitby, Other
26 articles 0 photos 493 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If one will scoff at the study of language, how, save in terms of language, will one scoff?" - Mario Pei
"I write for the same reason I breathe - because if I didn't, I would die." Isaac Asimov

Very cool! I think that this is an interesting poem, nice rhyming and use of words, by the way!