Having anxiety and depression is like being scared but exhausted all the time. 

It is the fear of failing classes but having no motivation to pass.

It is the fear of being alone but once you are with some friends you begin to feel your palms getting clammy , your breathing beings to shake and every part of you just wants to go run and get away

It is the fear of being left behind but the feeling of wanting to be left behind because you simply want to be alone.

It is the fear of letting everyone down but he thought of “you're already letting yourself down so what's the point.”

It is the feeling of drowning trying to gasp for air but you get to the point where you just wanna let go and have the water consume you.

One day you feel great but the next six days all you wanna do is lay your head on a pillow and shut those exhausted heavy eyes as if you couldn't hold them open anymore. 

It is the feeling of wanting to allow yourself to believe someone cares but the fear of ending up feeling regret and despair

So you take it one day at a time , everytime you get asked  “hey, are you okay ?",  you say “oh yes, im fine”. 

It is a feeling you just want to shake but you begin to give up and sleep the day away because to you, that's comfort, to you, that's normal to sleep more than 12 hours a day , and slowly slip and fade from the shell you see everyday . 

You see you're not yourself anymore as you drag your body out of the bed where you found so much comfort in 

You looked at your reflection and  move 17 muscles on your face noticing it was a smile and then it began to fade because. You don't do that anymore.

You have gotten use to moving 43 muscles making a frown because that is how you felt all year round. 

Sometimes when you get out of the shower and you have a pink tint to your eyes , you will say anything other than the fact that you’ve cried. 

You see the weather changing and you wonder why you don't. 

Seeing the trees bloom with bright green leaves and then begin to fade into such beautiful bright colors falling peacefully until there was no more leaves on that beautiful tree. The white beautiful specks coming from the sky making you wonder how can one thing from the sky change everything to something you cant begin to describe. It begins to melt as the weather changes and the process begins to go over and over again. 

You want that,  although you don't want that feeling to fade and come again when something in your life beings to change.

You want to be something so beautiful you can’t even begin to discribe

You want to be the reason you live everyday and night 

You want to be loved. 

But by yourself.

So you began to go back to things you have gotten use to and you say "one day"