Dear Universe,

     Do you believe in soulmates? I’m just kidding, of course you do, you created them. Well, I think I might have found mine. Now I know that you know whether I did or not, and I also know you aren’t going to tell me, so rather, I’m going to tell you. Universe, I’ve found my soulmate. I’ve found the one person on earth who was placed here specifically for me to find. He is not perfect, in fact he is greatly flawed, completely lost, and unimaginably indifferent to me. Things he says and does never cease to bemuse me. Crimes he has committed to me should be felonious. The cruel words he has said to me that I have memorized by heart, though I would be better off never having heard them spoken. He is the source of all my insecurities, the reason I can't get a peaceful night's rest and can’t look in the mirror without being completely and utterly disgusted with what I see. Universe, he is all I want. Why are you evil to me, maleficent. Why do you let me find joy in this pain? Let me live asking for more. More pain, so I can be happy, please. The pain he gives me feels like home, comforting and a place I constantly return to. Universe you are so sour to the taste and then just like magic you’re honey, sweet on my tongue. For don’t think I’ve forgotten how you’ve entrapped me here. The good memories, like golden rain shower my head. The memories of him saving me, lacking only in a cape. Memories of him teaching me how to find humor where there’s no humor to be found, and to be free and messy and purely content. And, oh universe, when he says “I miss you.” I am warmed. Hot in the face and sweaty at the palms. Those three words control me, and he remains my constant puppeteer. Whether the words are delivered empty or backed by floods of emotion beating down the doors means no difference to me, they are spoken by him. However, the number of times he’s said them to me leaves the ratio of saying I miss you to actually acting on the matter unbalanced. Nevertheless he misses, and I miss him. Everyday I feel what he took from me when we parted. So why isn’t this simple? If we feel the same, why can’t the credits just roll? I’m not you’re reality TV, I want no part in your entertainment. You don’t understand what it feels like getting butterflies from memories of things he’s said years ago. You don’t understand because you, universe, don’t have a soulmate. You can’t. So you created them for other people, but you never allow them to be easy because it’s not easy for you. What am I supposed to do? He seems as though he wants nothing to do with me and I know I’ve given him the same impression. I believe that if we truly belong together we will be together, but my apologies, universe, my patiences on this has grown some rust. I love him. Do you hear me, I said I love him. When will that be enough for you?

I’ve found my soulmate. I’ve found the one person on earth who was placed here specifically for me to find. He brings me warmth and I don’t want to spend another day without him, it’s starting to get cold out. 

Sincerely,

The Other Half

P.S Tell him I said I miss you too, a lot.