You’re fat

Those were the words spoken to me that sparked the beginning of an eternity

God if only he knew, that truly I would follow through

I did what I thought I should , but I didn’t know what pain it could

Cause inside my 11 year old brain

The shame I swear was the worst of it

Hiding what I thought I’d gain

You’ll never be thin, I told myself

Throw those thoughts on a shelf

Because you have to lose weight, I said

You have to be what society wants or your potential will be dead

Little did I know that’s not what’d be dead

Anorexia is not a thin girl with a pretty smile

It’s not knowing if you’ll have a while

Slowly you push people away

All you want is for Ana to stay

Your hair begins to fall out

Tears flow as if from a spout

Only one more pound you tell yourself

But one, turns to five turns to ten until it begins to kill your health

Thin hair covers your body

Dark circles enclose those once bright eyes

You need to stop they tell you

Mom, just leave me be

Dad, I’ll be okay

Sitting in a room in a hospital gown

They come in with such a solemn frown

Lorelai, you’re severely underweight

Though it my mind I’m the farthest from that

Potassium, phosphorous, are thrown around

When you stand your legs hit the ground

Still think anorexia is beautiful?

Well think again dear soul

I am not 1 in 5

My life is not meant to be stuck in a hospital bed

The light was not so far ahead

Death still crept like a crab in a shell

Have you ever been stripped away from your family?

Thrown in a place that looks from hell

Still think anorexia is beautiful?

Needles shoved through my veins

My muscles can’t withstand but a strain

Hope is lost, your will is gone

This is the true reality

Googling the calories in chapstick

Because you are so scared of what may occur

It’s stupid, I’m aware sure

But to me it’s surreal

Do you still think anorexia is beautiful?

A lifestyle of restriction and pain

It’s not some twisted game

Setting alarms at 2 am

To get up and exercise until you just can’t anymore

It’s like a drug

That you can’t just brush under the rug

Do you still think anorexia is beautiful?

Never forget that you deserve to live, not only breathe

Not slumped over a toilet trying to heave

Blue nails grasp the rail

Your parents pray the hail

Longing for their baby back

I am only 14 years old

Still not a clue, if I will ever be free

From the disease that’s consuming me

So tell me now if you will

Do you still think anorexia is beautiful?