she lies

she lies awake at night thinking about how

she lies

to her friends

to her family

to herself

she lies

about how she really feels

how she tests her limits everyday

physically and emotionally

she lies

when they ask if she wants to stop

when they ask if she’s okay

she lies

and she believes herself

but her brain tells her

i’m hurting

i’m tired

i’m sad

I can’t do this anymore

i’m done

so she lies

to everyone

and keeps moving forward

-depression

perfectionism

i see it in me

i see it in her

in him

in everyone

we all aspire for perfection

but at what cost

athletic

intelligent

musical

artistic

we strive for all these characteristics

we want it all

but wanting it all can lead down an opposing path

it can leave you with none

-when you try to be someone you’re not

he runs

he has no

choice

no alternative

it will

make or break

his career

his life

even when he can’t breathe

and he is retching for air

he doesn’t

stop

he keeps on

running

-scholarship athlete

she watches her grades drop

as she prioritizes her relationship

she feels him slipping

she drowns her pain in alcohol

she sinks herself with drugs

it pulls her down like an anchor

she is the mirror image of what she once was

until she fell

and he let her break

but

she still holds on to him

-unhealthy relationships

why is it that so many people spend all of their high school experience trying to fit the mold of the typical teenager? they act like popularity is the most important thing, but i’ve seen it cost more than it’s worth. when grades begin to drop and mental health declines just to be this picture perfect person why do people persist? because it’s too late to go back. families fall apart in high school but why does it get to the point where parents have no control over their kids? they want to be individuals too soon. it’s just the way it works but why can’t we just change the way that it works? i have watched multiple friends fall into this void. the one where they look for the popularity and forget about their families, the friends who have supported them through everything, their top priorities. it’s a black hole that never ends once you fall in. before you fall in you are given a choice. change yourself to be who they want you to be, or be who you truly are. the weak-minded change. but they learn through the identity crisis that is to come. those who choose to be themselves are just one step ahead of the game.

-popularity kills

be yourself

there’s no one else like you in this world

-secret to high school

nicotine

it acts as a stimulant in small doses, but in larger amounts blocks the action of autonomic nerve and skeletal muscle cells

it controls the students

it has them whipped

snapchats asking for pods

bathrooms filled with juuls

cotton candy clouds hover above stalls

in the back of rooms

the vape clouds fill bedrooms first thing in the morning

it makes brains say take a hit

it takes precedent

above all else

-addiction

social media

snapchat

instagram

twitter

you post

you wait for the likes to roll in

the anxiety creeps up

it won’t be enough

the hate destroys self esteem

but leaving gives the haters power

and if we leave

we all return to it again

feeding on the comments calling us beautiful

a vicious cycle

i watched him slip away

i watched popularity grab him in the throat

dig it’s nails into his neck

take away his vocal chords

his voice

i watched him try to fit the mold

time and time again

until he finally did

i watched popularity finally grab his hand

and lead him to his new reality

that didn’t include me

i watched as my best friend  

forgot who i was

you know its done

when you pick a fight, just to talk

-the beginning of the end

how do you know

when it’s too far gone

when there’s no going back

i never know when to

let go

it’s been too hard

it’s been too long

to let go so easily

but maybe it’s easy

because the love and the friendship

is lacking

it hurts to say goodbye

but sometimes

it’s all you can say

-an ode to a broken friendship

breathe

as the fingers close around your throat just

breathe

as the weight of the world condenses your chest

breath

as you grip the pencil

as you shake

as you read the first problem

breathe

it’s the only way that you will make it through

-anxiety

they smile

a genuine smile

because

they don’t have to fit into a mold

they can be themselves

they can choose their friends

without social repercussion

-misfits

i’m jealous of them. the people who know who they are. the people who know who their friends are. because i know none of those things. everytime i think i find myself, i realize that it is only who i want to be, and i can’t force myself to be someone i’m not. everytime i think i know who my friends are they always seem to be my enemies, there to stab me in the back when i least expect it. and then they stand there, watching the blood drip down my back as they twist the knife and lie to my face and everyone that will listen. they make everyone believe that i am the bad guy. but that’s just a teenage girl.

-never to be trusted

it comes once in a blue moon

that voice telling me to cut the crap

like a shooting star in my darkest hour

when i’m about to make a mistake

it blazes past my eyes and into my brain

a blinding light of truth that i don’t want to see

sometimes i make that wish

on that shooting star in my darkest hour

sometimes i just watch it go by

-the voice

every teenage boy seems to be the same

inappropriate

harsh

obnoxious

they make it their life mission to find your cuts

and throw some salt in it

they call u a b***h

a hoe

a hoar

when you haven’t even kissed a boy

when you didn’t even say anything rude to them

you’ve done nothing to warrant that behavior

but they still do it

and you can’t seem to stop it

-you never know why they do it

high school sucks

but middle school was worse

-your through the worst

your parents will tell you popularity doesn’t matter

it does

your parents will tell you to be friends with whoever you want to

but it’s not as easy as that

social decisions feel like the end of the world

like the entire earth is crashing around you

like the pieces are falling on your head

but nothing is falling

only you

it will all be over in four years

and none of it will matter in the long road of life that is waiting for you

no social groups will be remembered

no bullies will have control

no teachers will be there to make your life hell

there is only open road ahead

but despite the hate toward high school

you will miss is it as it

goes by in the blink

of an eye