today’s the day

two years ago i was in my darkest place

where i wanted nothing more to just feel something.

Throughout the day my mom could tell something was off

She should have said something

But she didn’t

I thought it was obvious that this was going on

Everyone knew I wasn’t okay

I laid in the bath to try and clear my head

But thoughts were rushing through my head

I was just laying there, thinking about what to do next

those deadly thoughts in my mind

I thought about telling someone

But I couldn’t do it

I couldn’t get the words out when I tried

My anxiety is going through the roof

My depression over powering

It had been months and I couldn’t get over this

I didn’t know how long I had had these thoughts,

It was probably about a month of so.

I wasn’t myself, it was as visible as the fresh cuts on my wrist.

I didn’t want to do it, but I didn’t know how to cope

With everything going on it was too much

I picked up that blade with one intention

there were tears in my eyes that were telling me not to do it

but the adrenaline in my body was confusing me

do I do it or not?

I put the blade down got out of the bath and went to my bed

The thoughts continuing,

Should I stay here in misery

Or is it time to go?

The more I thought,

The more harsh my plans were,

Every second ticking closer to my fate

I tried my hardest to push the thoughts out,

But it wasn’t working

I had to make a decision

Thankfully I chose to live,

I chose to see the sunrise in the morning,

And I’m so happy I did