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Sand Castles
April 29, 2009
Your beautiful blue eyes
Or were they green?
Like an angry wave
Over an angry sea.
I tried to tame you,
Make you mine.
But you raged on and
I wasted my time.
Trying to build sand castles along your shore.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 4 comments.
AndThisIsReal PLATINUM said...
on Dec. 4 2009 at 10:02 am
Thanks so much for both the compliments and the creative critisism.
I really do enjoy your writing and I'm the kind of person who is open to suggestions.
I think your right about the last line.
And I also think I'll try to write more free verse.
Thanks again!
Have a lovely day.
I really do enjoy your writing and I'm the kind of person who is open to suggestions.
I think your right about the last line.
And I also think I'll try to write more free verse.
Thanks again!
Have a lovely day.
GlitterFox said...
on Nov. 12 2009 at 6:41 pm
Pretty and potent. I especially love the last two lines; somehow they remind me of my past romance experiences. Maybe break the last line into two lines to keep the flow?
I'm glad you asked me to review your work--I'm enjoying every word.
I'm glad you asked me to review your work--I'm enjoying every word.
5 articles 0 photos 8 comments
Favorite Quote:
It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.