Holy Hell! | Teen Ink

Holy Hell!

November 24, 2009
By Sebastian Barnum BRONZE, Beaverton, Oregon
Sebastian Barnum BRONZE, Beaverton, Oregon
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

I'm assuming that you, like me, have seen the dozens of news reports regarding the somewhat toothless people who live in tornado country (in the mid west.) These people kind of amuse me. Not so much that they choose to live in an area with natural disasters, but that they act like it isn't a problem. I've watched news reports again and again that show these people sitting inside of their homes (which slightly resemble cans of tuna,) and await there somewhat imminent end. After watching this occur repetitively I began to realize a trend of excuses these individuals use. It seems as if the bumpkins of sorts, always say "I can stay in my home, God will save me!" which leads me to the inevitable conclusion of "Well who do you think is sending the tornado?"
A rhetorical (and comedic) statement such as this could never suffice as some sort of breakthrough, merely a stepping stone. What I wanted to accomplish was to find the stereotypes of both Christianity and atheism, and then figure out some pressing issues, two to be exact. The first of which we discussed earlier, why do die hard Christians believe that god made them superhuman. I mean, if some man with a beard walked up to you and told you that you were special to him, so he could protect you, and then threw a large spinning mass of wind and destruction at you... could you really stare at this vortex of chaos with a grin and a bible. I think not.

So what makes these people so sure? Does blind faith make you immortal or just blind? Looking at a Christian website which aims to explain these things, I found that most believers claim that natural disasters are ways of God punishing us for our sins. For example Noah and the ark, and Egypt’s rivers of blood during the exodus. However doesn't it say somewhere in the Bible that God loves all of his children, so why would he flatten them? On the same website, less than two inches down the page, The Christians seemed to have realized their mistake, and decided to contradict themselves by claiming that the earth is punishing us for our sins. So we quickly went from a sadist for a savior, to a supreme pagan package. I think between the Catholic priest’s sexual controversy and the contradictions of the preachers themselves, the church has the consistency of a wet noodle.

However that is not to say that the concept of religion is a bad thing. For instance, religion has been the backbone of the system of law and order since the dawn of time. Who was the first person who said don’t steal, don’t kill, and don’t sleep with your neighbor’s wife? God, that’s who. Also, why do we get a weekend, because the writers of the bible thought, “Hey, let’s give us all a break every week!” Realistically, people have used religion and faith as foundations of terrible things, like the band U2, and wars. However, there have also been great things like the Feed the Children Foundation, The arts of the renaissance, and Christmas presents.

I attend a youth group at PCC (Portland Christian Center) since I was 13 years old. At first, I hated it and would only go against my will. However I believe that people are skeptical mostly because Jesus freaks are crazy. If you don’t focus on the dramatic individuals, and the crazy discrepancies of logic, it’s easy to see why Christianity has roughly 2 billion followers, making it the largest religion on earth. It also serves as a great crutch. I don’t pray, ever, unless I feel very lucky or like I totally got screwed by the universe. But I do play in the worship group, which allows me a musical outlet that makes me feel a lot better about all the crap that I am forced to deal with every week. However that brings us full circle. If god loves me so much, why does he make my life so damn difficult so often? You never see Spider-Man putting somebody through a day from hell, and yet he makes about as much sense as a Jewish carpenter with wicked sweet facial hair turning water into wine, and letting himself be killed for billions of people who would never make contact with him. So if Jesus loves everyone, does he love those who hate him?

The second issue is another interesting concept, can atheists get insurance for "acts of god." It seems like they would be hypocrites for having such a thing, but could you feel safe living in suburbia without insurance against flash floods and earthquakes? I mean it's only fair that everyone gets the same treatment. What kind of society would instantly limit or judge a certain people because of their religion. Oh wait, hasn't the church been behind the killings of Pagans, Jews, Muslims, Druids, Gypsies, Incas, Mayans, Aztecs, Native Americans, and even Witches. But I digress. Should non believers have the option to have insurance for a holy accident? I asked a Christian woman and her exact response was "Any dirty rotten b****** dumb enough to not believe in my savior doesn't deserve anything more than damnation and a kick in the teeth." What I found most fascinating about this woman was that she was a substitute teacher in our school. I looked at her and for the first time, found myself speechless.

There can be no growing through knowledge if that knowledge is all biased, or opinions, only facts and fair perspectives. That said I feel it is time that we uncover some background on these bible thrashers. Granted I do admire the realization that God is an unrealistic concept, but these people are essentially a group of almighty anarchists. Or so they say.

After doing some research, I have to say, the Atheist movement might be a bigger joke than my substitute teacher. Atheists go around town handing out pamphlets about all of the things they don’t believe in. Not only that, they have special groups, once a week, where they get together and celebrate or “give praise to” having no god. You know, I could be mistaken, but doesn’t that sound exactly like what religions do. In fact the only thing that separates atheists from being a religion is that they believe in nothing superhuman. So essentially, atheism is a glorified cult, Christianities biggest threat is a group of middle aged men in a basement, and if you celebrate aliens from outer space, you have the technical makings of a religion.

All of this leads me back to my main question; do atheists deserve insurance for acts of God? I don’t think the world should care about religion, and we certainly shouldn’t nit-pick over the small things. However one person’s opinion means less than nothing in a modern world such as ours, so I decided to stop asking formulating premature opinions and instead look up the facts for myself. According to my research, I found that insurance companies have never discriminated because of religion, however most major insurance companies stopped calling natural disasters "acts of god." Which is unfortunate for two reasons, the first being the most prevalent.
Atheists are hypocrites for saying they believe nothing, because believing that nothing happens after you die is still a belief, and quite a sad idea, no matter how realistic. But even though they may be hypocrites, they are entitled to their own beliefs, which is the ironic part. Christians are brought up to love everybody and everything, just as Jesus would. Yet they kill and destroy everything that doesn’t agree with their sycophant, hypocritical, and realistically selfish points of interest. And though these realizations are rather unfortunate, that’s life, so learn to deal.
As I said earlier, there are two reasons that it is unfortunate that Atheists get insurance for acts of God. The first is that it is a fun little metaphor for why religions mostly lead to conflict. Not that religion isn’t good, but they do have a tendency of starting issues. The second is that when little miss holly roller substitute teacher finds out that atheists aren't considered outcasts, she’s gonna s*** a brick.

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This article has 7 comments.

InkyOwl GOLD said...
on Apr. 28 2018 at 6:04 pm
InkyOwl GOLD, Bloomington, Indiana
10 articles 1 photo 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
Where Words fail, Music speaks.
~Hans Christian Anderson

Thank you RarelyJaded and Lucy-Agnes.

Sparaxis GOLD said...
on Jul. 3 2017 at 2:28 pm
Sparaxis GOLD, Saint Marys, Georgia
13 articles 1 photo 307 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you keep on picking on me, I'll mess up again. This time, on PURPOSE."

I'm baffled by such things too. Every time I come across something in the Bible that upsets me, all I can think of is just ignore it. But doubt hurts.

Sparaxis GOLD said...
on Jan. 15 2017 at 8:45 pm
Sparaxis GOLD, Saint Marys, Georgia
13 articles 1 photo 307 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you keep on picking on me, I'll mess up again. This time, on PURPOSE."

And I agree with you on the tornado thing! The way you said it was pretty funny!

Sparaxis GOLD said...
on Jan. 15 2017 at 8:42 pm
Sparaxis GOLD, Saint Marys, Georgia
13 articles 1 photo 307 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you keep on picking on me, I'll mess up again. This time, on PURPOSE."

Fake Christians...How I hate them.

on Dec. 10 2015 at 10:12 am
Lucy-Agnes PLATINUM, Clarksville, Ohio
22 articles 0 photos 53 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Have the courage to have your wisdom regarded as stupidity. Be fools for Christ. And have the courage to suffer the contempt of the sophisticated world." - Justice Antonin Scalia

I'm sorry you've had such bad experiences with Christians. Please know we're not supposed to be that way. :) It seems to me that you really are interested in the truth, but are baffled by Christianity's paradoxes. Christianity is brimming with them! But as G.K. Chesterton says, "Whenever we feel there is something odd in Christian theology, we shall generally find there is something odd in the truth." I challenge you to read his book, "Orthodoxy", in which he argues this point brilliantly. God bless!

on Feb. 16 2013 at 12:25 am
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1159 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose”
― Charles Bukowski

All the Christians I know actually believe natural disasters are a result of the Fall... The bible says that the earth is "sick" (in a way) and everything is chaos until Jesus comes back. Just providing a different side to this argument:). And also, people who claim to be Christians but kill and destroy aren't really Christians. And God knows that--it doesn't matter what you call yourself, the bible says to be like Jesus and Jesus forgave. This article is based on stereotypes and stereotypes only.

on Sep. 6 2010 at 4:19 am
Phantom_Girl GOLD, Ft. Carson, Colorado
14 articles 0 photos 279 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If it comes out of the lion's mouth...it will be on the test."
-Mr. Bala

I found the piece a little contradictory, but other than that it is very well written. I enjoyed the last part, because it was a nice shot of humor, but it didn't overdo it.