Breaking-Up – A Survival Kit | Teen Ink

Breaking-Up – A Survival Kit

July 26, 2009
By Anonymous

Breaking-Up – A Survival Kit

‘If two people are meant for each other, it doesn’t always mean that they're meant for each other now’ (Dawson’s Creek).

Breaking up with someone can be a mutual and calm agreement or can be an unexpected, painful, and weakening departure. When the relationship has already passed its “best before” date, having the courage to follow through with your decision is the best way to spare yourselves from the effects of love-poisoning. Whether you are the one breaking up with someone or getting broken up with, there are right and wrong ways to approach this sensitive topic. Be true to your emotions and do what's best for the two of you.

Initiating the break up: not a needle prick

Take note of Code Red
When a relationship is down the rocks and a break-up is inevitable, let your partner know. Don’t drag out a pointless relationship. Having an open mind and an even wider understanding can save you and your lover’s time and effort for other things. When things are starting to look annoying instead of cute, ‘I’m always right’ situations are happening more often, and the complete lack of respect for your opinion are always injected even in small discussions, take notice and be wary because these codes should be sending you a clear message. Maybe it’s time to give the two of you the air and space you both need.

Heighten your senses
Remember that there will be no “perfect time” to end a relationship. Think things through and make up your mind if you really need to snip the lines. If you're unclear about how you're ending it, it could result in a dragged out relationship. Don’t break up in stages – if you want to dissolve the knot, there’s no time like the present. It’s like taking a sticky band-aid off your bruised skin. Would you rather do it fast or slow? Which one hurts more?

Pop in the pills
Before approaching your partner, be honest, put your reasons together and decide whether or not you truly feel that you need to split up. Do not start up an argument or point fingers. Remember that it is not your partner’s fault that you are no longer interested and it is not your fault either. It’s always wise to use your mind and weigh the situation down based on reason and not emotion.

Follow your prescription
Mistakes happen and loving someone in the wrong way, at the wrong time, and for a wrong reason is not an exception. The two of you have to realize that love is not enough to make a relationship work. It needs trust, respect, time, effort, and total commitment. If these requirements are violated then no matter how many times you say “I love you”, those words will remain empty and void. Take time to listen to what they don’t say and show. Do not let passion but wisdom decide for you.

Being broken up with: shock-proof your heart

Don’t panic
It is not a small scratch when what you expected to be a ‘happily ever after’ would turn into an explosion of illusion. Before getting all defensive, stay calm and listen. If you think its time for you to explain your side, do not be afraid and speak up. By talking it out, you both will paint a clearer picture of what went wrong and why. If you clarified your side you may be able to explain something your partner might’ve misunderstood and took the wrong way.

Sanitize your emotions
Refrain from stabbing back with anger and put your head above your feeling. Your emotions might get ahead of you and you might just blow things up instead of clearing them out. The only thing that will happen when you get all fired up is worsen the situation and end things in a more painful term. If you feel that you cannot hold yourself back from exploding then tell your partner that you understand but you are not ready to talk about it at the present time. Compose yourself and continue on when you think you are prepared.

Swallow the bitterness of reality
Be ready to turn—or torn—the pages. There is no magic word or magic wand that exists to make the hurt less painful or vanish. Cliché as it may sound but reality truly does bite hard, and it leaves a heavy mark. It’s now all up to you to take that scar as a lesson and not as a punishment. Picking yourself up from where you’ve been left could be the hardest part of the whole process but remember that what you are going through would be less painful if you accept reality and move on.

Don’t forget your First-Aid
Try to give yourself some time to take charge of your own life and decide who and what really earns your attention. If you feel the need to cry then do so. Remember that you have your friends and that you should not go through this rough time alone. Getting support and comfort is a big key in helping you heal your wounds. By containing your sanity and regaining that lost energy, you will eventually find your way back into the love you truly deserve.

Similar Articles


This article has 14 comments.

on Mar. 26 2013 at 11:28 am
Scribbler-of-Dreams PLATINUM, Brandon, Florida
23 articles 0 photos 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love isn't everything we want, but it's everything we need....

This is really good an very reliable. I wil definitely refer to this if I am ever in this kind of situation.

bluhs said...
on May. 26 2012 at 2:31 pm
bluhs, E, Alabama
0 articles 0 photos 111 comments
Wow. This is a very reliable piece. I will be sure to come back to it the first time I need to break up with someone. 

on Feb. 6 2012 at 3:13 am
GingerLily BRONZE, Aulnay-sur-Mauldre, Other
3 articles 6 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world" - Oscar Wilde

I should've read this last week, I might've been better off had I done that. There is some true wisdom in your words.

on Nov. 29 2011 at 8:13 pm
camohunter19 GOLD, Sedro-Woolley, Washington
14 articles 13 photos 128 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Girls are so queer you never know what they mean. They say No when they mean Yes, and drive a man out of his wits for the fun of it." "Violence is never the answer! It is a question, and the answer is yes."

Wow have never broken up with anybody, but make it sound so easy. Reminds me of a burnt-forest and that idiom: if a tree falls in the forest, and no one is therre to hear it: does it make a sound?

on May. 18 2011 at 9:24 pm
HopelessRomantic1 SILVER, Reno, Nevada
5 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love is like the wind, I can't see it, but I can feel it". -- Nicholas Sparks from "A Walk to Remember"

Where have you been all my teenage life?  i could have used this about a year ago... it took me 9 months to get over one stupid jerk!

on May. 15 2011 at 2:23 pm
ninjajump BRONZE, Harrisonburg, Virginia
3 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
life is the greatest gift, but it is also the heaviest burdon

really great.. i loved it i can take it to heart... i used the same steps when i broke up wit my girl a year in a half ago... u should be proud of this break up survival guide

Fate98 GOLD said...
on Apr. 4 2011 at 12:50 pm
Fate98 GOLD, Glasgow, Other
11 articles 0 photos 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life isn’t about how popular you are… What girl or boy you are dating or who you know. Life is about always being true to who you are or what you believe in. Never let anyone convince you that their way is better than your way. In the end all we have is our hearts.. and our minds. This is the reason we sing.. this is the reason we cry… this is why we live." - Andy six"

Question, If its been almost a month  and you still haven't fully gotten over a  break up and you sill think about them. Should you try asking them out again even if you still think the reasons you broke up a right? Or would it just be better to keep trying to get over it?

Sis94 BRONZE said...
on Dec. 15 2010 at 9:49 pm
Sis94 BRONZE, Dongola, Illinois
1 article 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
it's my life i choose to do what ever i do in it

jk lol i have to say the the same


Sis94 BRONZE said...
on Dec. 15 2010 at 9:49 pm
Sis94 BRONZE, Dongola, Illinois
1 article 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
it's my life i choose to do what ever i do in it

ok well that has nothing to do wit this   


but way to go

on Oct. 15 2010 at 2:23 pm
woooah this is soo good i adore it with like my whole heart!

on Sep. 14 2010 at 7:55 am
colie-bear777, Spotsylvania, Virginia
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
I think that this will help people when it comes to break ups... I hate them... but this way you can either be gaurded when it comes or you can help the other person and soften the fall.

on May. 31 2010 at 4:27 pm
RavenAlexandrax3 BRONZE, NewYork, New York
1 article 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Free Thinkers Are Dangerous =] , motivation for me is them telling me what icould not be.

this was definitely helpful =]

on Dec. 25 2009 at 10:14 pm
falling-rain GOLD, Layton, Utah
10 articles 0 photos 71 comments

Favorite Quote:
Getr done!
larry the cable guy

this could be ver help full i liked it.

mladdissa said...
on Sep. 30 2009 at 1:33 pm
You should change the title cause it's not really a first aid kit but you seem like you know a lot about relationships and your advice is helpful.