Being in a relationship is oftentimes fun and interesting. Being with a person that makes you happy is the best thing in the world, but maybe you notice that they’re acting a little off.  Not responding to text messages or finding excuses not to spend time together might be signs of some impending issues. If you want to stay together, communication is really important. If one or both people don’t contribute to finding solutions to the problems you may have, they only continue.

So, what is a break, and why should you take one? According to Anthea Levi, a writer at Health.com, a break is taken to “clear your head,” or “reconnect with yourselves.” These breaks consist of a few days or weeks without in-depth contact. To clarify, a break is not a break up. A break up is to “cease to exist as a unified whole.” While on a break, you’re still in a relationship, you just don’t interact so that you can regain focus on yourself or other issues you may have been presented. This is beneficial for both parties because they can take time to determine what they want without the pressure of the other person weighing on them all the time. Sometimes, a break, while you may miss the other person immensely, is really necessary. If you don’t have clear expectations for where you’d like your relationship to go, you won’t get very far. A break helps to clarify those expectations; however, if you don’t talk to your partner before or after taking a break and nothing changes, there is no point to taking it in the first place. Breaks only work if you and your partner are open to discussion and making things better on both parts.

However, there are times when a break just isn’t worth it. If you want to take a break just to show the other person that you’re right, or that they’re going to miss you, it’s not a good idea. That is a type of manipulation, and if this is a behavior you or your partner exhibits, you may be in a toxic relationship. A toxic relationship, according to Thomas L. Cory, Ph.D., “a toxic relationship is a relationship characterized by behaviors on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and, not infrequently, physically damaging to their partner.” This kind of manipulation is not healthy and only results in unhappiness. If this is the case, a break up may be needed. No partnership is worth continuing if it causes nothing but pain.

So, in order to determine if a break is good for you, you have to take a step back and analyze your relationship. If you see problems that can be fixed with prolonged communications, fix them. If not, leave.