What school geography taught me :

Let’s talk about countries…

because some of these names are lying harder than people on dating apps

UNITED States

Ha… ha

“UNITED”?

These states are one argument away from blocking each other on social media and the phone

It’s 50 siblings sharing a bathroom — and Florida is in the corner doing interpretive chaos

GREAT Britain

GREAT Britain?

Sweetheart… that’s bold.

That’s like me calling myself “Great Shreya “

while hiding in the pantry eating M and M s so my parents don’t find me. Or while asking ChatGPT to submit my math homework

Rename it to:

“Britain: We Peaked When Shakespeare Was Alive.

Iceland vs Greenland

Talk about false advertising

Iceland is green.

Greenland is ice.

They gaslit the planet before gaslighting was even a word.

This is like naming your kid “Angel” and he grows up more in prison, than out of prison!

Australia

Australia sounds chill…

until you realize every creature there is built like its mission to exonerate your existence

Even the kangaroos look like they lift- 150 lbs

Australia should be called:

“Heaven, But With Boss-Level Animals.”

New Zealand

Named after Old Zealand — a rainy Dutch province.

New Zealand basically said:

“I’m the glow-up. I’m the remake. I’m the reason the prequels are never as good as the real movie.

Switzerland

Switzerland: “We’re neutral.”

Also Switzerland: owns half the world’s secrets.

If they tell you, they will have to take you down.

Japan

A place I am begging my parents to take me.

Japan sounds peaceful, and disciplined.

but that country will humble you with toilets smarter than you.

North Korea

“Democratic People’s Republic.”

Okay. If it’s democratic - then I am  Beyoncé.

Now, what if ..

If countries had honest names?

The U.S. would be “the  Ununited  states of America “

Great Britain would be “Wet, Moody, and we already peaked but we stole all the good stuff”   

and Australia?

“Come for the beaches, stay because something bit you and now you can’t move.