RASP.

April 25, 2012
By laurenmay123 GOLD, Chico, California
laurenmay123 GOLD, Chico, California
15 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"History doesn't repeat itself. Perhaps it..rhymes."


Summary:

Sometime in the future, the world is run by one governmend: The Regime. They set up a boarding school called RASP where they train the strongest, smartest, and most capable kids they can find to become the next generation of The Regime.
Kenly, a witty, slightly overconfident redhead is accepted into RASP. She has a hard time staying out of trouble and making a name for herself.
While there, she comes across a new, even bigger opportunity, though taking it may mean suffering the ultimate consequences of The Regime.


laurenmay123

RASP.


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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This book has 6 comments.


Kaitquincy said...
on Oct. 14 2013 at 5:00 pm
This is amazing... What happens?

GeeGi BRONZE said...
on May. 14 2012 at 7:05 pm
GeeGi BRONZE, Park City, Utah
3 articles 0 photos 51 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Being crazy isn't enough.”
― Dr. Seuss

“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?”
― Dr. Seuss

This is amazing. I love the idea and you make the plot easy to understand. Love it :)

ShadowRealms said...
on May. 12 2012 at 3:08 pm
Great job! You had a unique style and I quite liked the setting. It was a nice dystopian and I'm eager for more. (Usually I give better feedback but I don't see anything wrong with this;) ) anyways, nice job!

on May. 6 2012 at 10:37 pm
Atl.Braves03 BRONZE, Tampa, FL, Florida
4 articles 0 photos 77 comments

Favorite Quote:
God is God and I am not
I can only see a part
Of this picture he's painting
God is God and I am man
I will never understand
Because only God is God

You're a very talented writer. A lot of people don't have any identity to their writing. You have a very defined writing style and it really helped me connect with the story so good job with that. 

I think you have a great idea for a book. Good luck with the rest of it!


DanielM. said...
on May. 6 2012 at 10:18 pm
Awesome job!!

on May. 6 2012 at 1:58 am
sithsadist BRONZE, Everson, Washington
3 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
A young man who wishes to remain a sound atheist cannot be too careful of his reading.
- C. S. Lewis

My first thought while reading this was that you have fantastic word choice! Your sentence fluency is also really admirable and it helps keeps the reader engaged.

I also liked the setting, kinda reminded me of The Hunger Games in an off-handed way. Just like, how the youth are used to further the government's purposes I guess.

My critique would be to remember that in a book (or even in a short story really), you don't need to rush things. It's hard to say exactly how to convey this, but a good example is in how you bring across a character's personality and attributes. Don't feel rushed to explain how someone behaves or even looks. Show it slowly and gracefully by adding more scenes and more dialouge that give pieces, then let the reader put the pieces together.

Overall, some of the best work I've seen! 5 out of 5 :)





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