The White Light | Teen Ink

The White Light

December 15, 2016
By TheWhiteLight1, North Reading, Massachusetts
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TheWhiteLight1, North Reading, Massachusetts
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I looked around at all the people crying, wondering who was in the coffin, and when I walked up to pay my respects I immediately passed out. It was me. When I came to, I saw a bright light and then silence. I opened my eyes, hoping it was all over, but it wasn’t. I unbuckled my seatbelt and fell to the ground. I looked up and saw a bright white light. When I woke up, I was in a hospital bed surrounded by family and friends. I tried to speak, but nothing came out. In an instance I heard a loud beep and when I looked over, the monitor appeared to have a straight line showing. Then it went white, and I hoped this would be the last time this would happen. I then appeared, seeing my body being lowered six feet into the ground. At the sight of this, I kneeled down and cried. My entire body started to shake, my vision became blurred, and it became white again.
       Beep, beep, beep--I reached over to hit the snooze button and got up. Another day another dollar I thought, walking into the bathroom, as the cold tile floor stung my feet, like a bee stinging me. I hopped into the shower, like a bunny, and began to rinse. I was tired from the night before, so I turned the water on cold, like the ocean would be in the dead of winter. I tried to remember what happened the night before but couldn’t. What did I do, where did I go, who was I with, the questions kept forming, but before I could actually think about them, my alarm went off, signaling to get out of the shower.
  I put on my suit as if the clothes were ready for the biggest day ahead of them. I got into my car but it would not start, so I had to walk all the way down to the bus stop. I used to stand at the bus stop, waiting for the bus, (which I used to take everyday), but when I got a car, I stopped. As the bus pulled up I immediately recognized the bus driver, Margo. All the funny stories and tales we used to tell each other fluttered into my head, like a butterfly. She opened the door and I smiled and greeted her, ready to take my old seat. After she left the bus stop I saw she had made a strange face, looking like she had never seen me before. Maybe she had forgotten about me after all the time we spent together on the bus, because she did see a lot of people, but Margo did not seem like the kind of person to forget about anyone. I decided I needed to say something, “Hi, Margo.”
“Hello, how are you?” Margo stated briskly, although it was in a cold voice- she did not know who I was.
“I am well, how about yourself?” I played it off, that way she did not suspect anything.
Before she opened the door she said, “Fine, and have a good day.”
“You as well.” I stated, leaving all the tales behind on the bus. I walked to the building in the middle of the city, which I was proud to call my workplace. 
As I walked in I noticed a group of people waiting in chairs that were most likely interviewing for a job that opened up. As I took the elevator upstairs, it did not stop once until it got to my floor, number 8, which was peculiar because it usually stops for someone else needing to go up. As I got off I realized that quite a few heads had turned my way. I did not know what they were staring at, for I had been working at this business for over a decade now. Maybe I had something on my face? I walked over to my office, the one with glass frames, and saw someone else inside. In fact, everything was different about the office and everything of mine was gone. I knew that I had to talk to my boss, but I needed to check something first. I looked in the bathroom mirror, trying to see if I was seeing myself right desperate for answers, I slapped some icy cold water on my face and tried to remember. Had I gotten fired last night for something I did? Did I quit over a phone call? As I tried to think back to last night, a knock sounded on the door. I was surprised to find the man who was standing in my office earlier. I walked past, exchanging a ‘hello and good day,’ and thought that this was my chance.
I bolted to his (my) office and prayed for it to be unlocked. Luckily, it was, and because of the placement of the office no one would find out that someone had been here. I searched for clues, trying to find out who this man was and why he was here. I looked at his computer which was also unlocked and looked at his files. I discovered the same document I was working on the day before, except it had his name and a few new additions on it. Knowing that I had little time, I searched his drawers. I found everything in the exact same place I had left it, but when I looked up I stood, shocked. The award that I had won for employee of the year was still up, but it did not have my name on it. Instead it had, to what I assume was the man from the bathroom’s, name on it, Jackson Carson. This man was just like me, but everyone knew who he was. A picture of his family on the desk, clean and organized, everything on time. No wonder why he was here and not me, he is Trey 2.0. I couldn’t take seeing me replaced so fast. I stood shocked, for what I had worked for in a decade was gone in a split second. Not knowing what to do--my life was gone and everything I ever knew vanished.
     Quickly, I walked out of my old building and ran home.This could be just a really bad, really realistic dream,I thought. I unlocked the door to my house and walked in. I lay down on my bed and it bounced as I closed my eyes. This could only be a dream. The next morning I woke up to my eyes adjusting to the light. I needed to figure out what was happening. Every thought running through my mind of what happened. I can’t remember anything. Trey think about what you did, how come you cannot remember? What did you do, that made you black-out? As the endless thoughts flushed through my mind, I needed to get out. My car did not start again, but I needed to leave. I decided to call a cab and gave the driver the only address I could think of. It was a two hour drive and came to a total of $320, but I didn’t care. I needed to get to the house, the house that held everything I knew--my childhood, the house that I grew up in, the house that you never forget--my parents house. Hours later, I got to the front lawn and it looked the same as it did when I left. I needed to find answers and I needed to find them now. I walked up to the front door and knocked, hoping that my parents would recognize me. Everything I knew was gone and the only hope I knew that I had left was my parents. When I looked up, I realized, the door had opened. “Hello.”
“Hi,” I said cautiously, just in case my mother did not recognize me. “How are you?” I stated as my father came into view from the door.
“I’m good, how are you?” My mother spoke, glancing at my father behind her. She had a face I had never seen before. Almost like she recognized me, but did not know from where.
“Not well, unless you know who I am.” Hopefully they knew who I was.
“Am I supposed to? I don’t recognize you.” My heart dropped as I heard the words that escaped her lips. She looked back at my father, who then placed a hand on her shoulder reassuring her.
“I’m your son, Trey.” As she moved aside my father looked pale, as if he were about to pass out. It looked as if he had seen a ghost. I entered the house, seeing pictures of my childhood and pictures of my family, but I noticed they were only from my elementary school years. My parents both sat down and looked at me, waiting for me to talk. I didn’t know what to say or do.
Then my father spoke “Our son Trey died.” When the words left his mouth and filled my stomach with fluster.
“That’s not possible because I am right here, don’t you recognize me, or remember what I look like?” My eyes began to water, in my head I prayed that they remembered me.
“Our son died when he was younger, you cannot be him.” My mother looked at me with hopeful eyes. “He died from pneumonia and….” She couldn’t finish it, she was crying.
“It’s me, do you know what happened to me? I woke up and everything was different--you are the only ones that know who I am I don’t know who I am. Please recognize me, remember me.” I started to cry. No one knew what I was going through I had never experienced something like this. Every thought, feeling, moment, memory and hope was gone in a drift of wind. What was I supposed to do, if my own parents did not know who I was? I got up and said, “Thank you and sorry for interrupting your day. I am sorry for your loss and thinking that I’m your son, when clearly I’m not.” I let myself out, leaving the only family I knew behind.
When I arrived at my house, I knew what I had to do, and I knew how to do it I was going to end all of it. The time was 23:30 and I was ready to end it this was the day I came back and tomorrow will be the day I leave. I closed my apartment door and left everything how it was, except that there was a note left on the table. The note just stated that I did not know who I was and did not know what was happening. I knew no one would find it, for I was leaving my old self behind. I scanned the card against the monitor and walked in.
My footsteps echoed through the building as I walked to the door at the end of the hall. I pushed it open, hoping it would be empty. I walked to the 5th floor and into my old office. I thought I would get one more time in the office before I left. I looked at the neon light across the room which showed 23:55. I have to go, I thought as I got up from the swirly chair and opened the fire escape door, the alarm not sounding because I had entered the password before. The sight was beautiful--the night sky illuminating the stars, the moon shining so bright I looked up and remembered the great times I had up here. The all nighter at work, the work celebrations, and my favorite memory--getting my employee of the month award. It was 23:59 and I was ready. I looked down and it was 0:00 I jumped and left the building. I didn’t have anyone to live for anymore even though I didn’t want to leave. I was free falling, and then I hit the cold, hard pavement.
I woke up to a bright light. I started to cry again, seeing myself being lowered into the ground, six feet under, although it was my younger self. It did not make sense. I then walked over to see what my father was talking about. He was giving the eulogy about me, (my younger self.) I did not know how this was possible, it could not be me, I thought. As my father spoke, he said something that made me drop to the ground. “Please, bring Trey back, even if it’s just for a second, please, please.” I then brought my hands to my face, but they were disappearing. My entire body was becoming invisible. It all made sense--I had come back, like my father wished, and he did not recognize me. Somehow I grew up and I got erased from everyone’s memory. Now that I knew for the last time what had happened, I knew that I was dead. Gone forever, never going back. As I saw my family members they started to clump together, everything becoming a blur. Then everything became white one final time and I left.



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