It's In My Blood | Teen Ink

It's In My Blood

June 29, 2019
By Snigdha_Acharya, Siliguri, Other
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Snigdha_Acharya, Siliguri, Other
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Favorite Quote:
Don't be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.

More smiling, less worrying. More compassion, less judgment. More blessed, less stressed. More love, less hate.

My feet carried me as fast as they could through the woods. I can hear the leaves and twigs cracking as the footsteps following me quickens. My breath got heavier as adrenaline rushed through my veins. I sprinted through the woods, trying to get rid of these unknown men. The footsteps got closer and closer until they caught up with me. One of them attacked me, sending me to the ground. My face hit the ground with a loud thud, and a cry slipped from my lips. I struggled underneath their grip. A growl left their mouth as they tried their best to steady me, as they spun me around to look at my face, terror-filled me up and I shrieked.

Then I woke up. My chest was rapidly going up and down, as I craved for oxygen. Sweat beads formed on my forehead and palm, I rubbed off the sweat in the bedsheet. Running my hand through my face, 'Another bad dream' I murmured to myself.

As I was about to roll out of the bed, a pain shoots through my body, my body ached. Then I noticed that my body had several bruises, although dreams couldn't do any damage. Maybe I'm sleepwalking and bruising myself at midnight. I rolled out of the bed and checked the time. 6:50 am. Haven't woken up this early in a while.

Walking up to the mirror, I observed myself. My brown hairs were falling on my pale skin. My greyish-green eyes shined brightly, and my pink small lips were curved into a small smile. In my opinion, I am an average-looking girl. I always hide behind hoodies because I'm fed up of all the taunt and bullies I receive. So, I always try to stay hidden.

After completing my morning routine, I slowly made my way into the living room. Mom was sitting on the sofa clutching a picture frame with tears in her eyes. Her messy, dirty blonde hair went past her shoulder covering half of her face, her brown eyes were bloodshot and swollen.

I took hesitant steps towards her. Today was Dad's birthday. I was scared to make any move. Scared that she will beat me to death. Lately, her abuses had increased a lot.

My dad passed away when I was only seven months old. I got to know that my father was dead when I was only nine years old. I always used to ask my mom about him, but she never replied to me. But one day she revealed the truth. She blamed me for all the cause. I still recall that day. My worst nightmare, I wished I never asked that question to her. The memories kept swirling in my mind, as slowly the memories consume me.

Tears pouring down my eyes. My cries grew louder as all the neighbor's children started taunting and bullying me.

"You don't have a dad. He never loved you. I'm sure your mom doesn't love you either," Addie, the girl with blonde hair whom I assumed as my best friend spoke up. She had baby-blue eyes and silky, beautiful long blonde hair. She was the description of 'perfect' and everyone treated her like a princess because she was from a rich family and had a very loving family, which I lacked.

"I have a dad!" I mentioned still crying. They laughed out loud somewhat taunting.

"Oh really, then where is he? I can't see him. So where's your imaginary dad, huh?" she snickered at me as she smirked evilly.

"My dad exists. He just... have work" I tried to reason with them but nothing worked and they kept on taunting me.

"You don't even look like you mom," someone commented and Addie pushed me to the ground, this sentence totally broke my heart and shattered them in pieces.

"No one loves you. Just get lost of our sight," Addie announced and everyone chattered 'no one loves you, get lost...'

Without any word, I stood up and rushed to my home, crying loudly. As I saw my mom, I went to her and hugged her legs tightly with my small arms. "Momma! my friends again taunted me and told that I don't have a dad," I said while crying loudly and hiccupping.

"I said you not to play with them," she stated-rudely. "Momma, are my friends telling the truth? where's my dad? When will he come?" I kept asking repeatedly until... she slapped me hard and pushed me from the stairs. It all happened too fast for me to process.

"You want to know, where is your dad, right? then listen. Your dad died only because of you," she said kicking me hard in my stomach. I cried out in pain. And then everything went black.

I jolted out from my memories. Gathering all my courage and taking a deep breath, I talked to her in a whispering tone... "Mom... are you—" before I could say anything else she stood up and looked at me with hatred.

"It all happened because of you," she blamed me through gritted teeth and wiped her tears away. I flinched at her sudden outburst. Anger was taking over her.

She continuously cried and blamed me, she broke everything that was near her hand. And I stood there in silence. Tears pooling down my eyes. It hurts, I don't know how my dad died because of me, but still, somehow, I feel a stink in my heart. It was irresistible.

She stopped crying and looked at me directly in the eyes, her eyes were dark and evil-like. I quickly looked away and stare at the ground, scared of my life. I can feel her approaching me. I looked up to see her standing right in front of me, my heartbeat quickens and I shuddered in fear as I took a step back.

And then I heard the sound before feeling a stinging pain on my left cheek. She again slapped me hard against my face with the back of her hand. And I land on the floor while a groan slips my mouth. She grabbed my brunette hairs and pulled me up on my feet again.

"Look at me, while I'm talking to you," she demanded. With my teary eyes, I look up at her, "Pathetic creature like you shouldn't live," she hissed at me and her grip on my hair tightens, I cried out in pain. It felt like my hair would rip from my scalp. I looked at her pleadingly but she didn't budge at all.

"I never wanted you in the first place. It all happened because of you," she said, her eyes were burning with rage. She punched my stomach, making the air gush out of my lungs.

Minutes later, Andrea, my mother left me and went to her room without a word. I laid there on the cold floor with bruises and blood all over my body, especially my face. Taking a shaky breath, I struggled to stand up, with my wobbly legs, I went back to my room. Locking myself in the room, I cried my heart out. I cried until I couldn't anymore. I know, I'm a 'crybaby', I let out all my anger and frustration via tears.

All I ever wanted was love and care, which I never get. I always craved for the parent's love. You might think, why didn't I tried to run away from this heck hole? only because I have no one else in this world except her. I don't know where to go after running away from here. Am I wrong for being hurt several times but still care for my mother and trust her each and every word? I know she's lonely, and she really misses dad, and I always remind her of dad. Though she hits me and shows none love to me, but I couldn't help and care for her. You may love and care for someone but that doesn't mean you can expect that person to give you that same love in return. From deep inside my heart, I believe that someday she'll accept me.

Walking over to the mirror, I examined myself. My eyes were red and puffy, my face was having dried blood stains and my hairs were in a chaotic state. I went to the bathroom and cleaned myself up. I tried to hide the red marks on my body with the foundation, after so many years, now I can hide all the marks perfectly. Hiding my face in the hoodie. My stomach grumbled loudly, I haven't eaten in a while, and day by day I grew weak and skinny. I glanced over at the clock. Almost time to go. I slowly walked down, afraid that she will beat me again.

"Bye Mom," I whispered. I gulped when mom looked at me as if she wanted to tell me something. She opened her mouth, then appeared to change her mind and closed it again. I ignored it.

"Alright," she said with a fake smile and I shrugged it off.

I took a heavy breath and started walking, with every step my limbs were growing weaker and I struggled to walk, each and every part of my body was in pain. I prayed to God to take away all my pain, but I guess my voice, not at all loud for him to hear. 

I sighed as I see the hoarding board of our school with written 'Hertdale High School' in a distance. Though my walking speed was less than an old woman walking, but thankfully I'm not late.

I tried to make my way from between all these teenagers and get out of there without getting noticed. But, it didn't happen.

"I missed you... Evelyn," a voice appeared. A hand wrapped around my stomach. I winced in pain as the hand comes in contact with my bruises and quickly shove it off. I turned around to meet those blue eyes.

It was my boyfriend - Adam Williams. The biggest player in our school... I know how he flirts with each and every girl from our school, but at the end of the day, I'm his girlfriend. I have an attachment with him... But not like whenever we touch; I feel sparks or whenever I see him; I feel butterflies in my stomach. I don't have a feeling like a real couple. I feel like he doesn't love me, but I'm scared that if I confront him, he would leave me. He's the one who cares about me, I don't care if it's fake or not. And I care too much to let him go.

"I missed you too," I told him with a small smile. He looked at me, trying to understand why I shoved his hands off. Before he could ask me, I changed the subject.

"So, how was your trip?" I inquired. He went to the South coast with his uncle. I thought he would ask me to come along, who wouldn't want to go to the beach, right? but I guess, I expected too much from him.

"Uh... hm... never mind," he replied with an uneasiness. I dropped the matter, as I knew he made out and kissed random girls again. He flirted with everyone and that's how his trip went.

The day at school was boring... I yawned while the teacher kept on babbling. I look all over the class, girls were having their chit-chat. While the boys were busy checking out all the girls. Except me.

I never like to come to school because it's so boring, not to mention but I rarely have friends, cause many of them consider me as a misfit. I hardly make friends because mom always stopped me to make friends when I was a child, so now I am habituated to stay alone. Many of the students in school taunted me by calling me mute, geek, and what not. Many of them also claim that I'm a girl with flaming red eyes but I have greyish-green eyes... well, I know my eye's color is strange, but I think they just hallucinate a lot. You know they always love to add spices to gossips. I never thought I would have a boyfriend... and even I am confused that, why Adam chose me to be his girlfriend. Doesn't it make him uncool like me?

The day just went by thinking about those kinds of stuff and at last, I went home with my bruised self. When I reached home, I really didn't expect to see mom, as because I thought she would be at her work but she was back early.

Mom was looking stressed, she didn't even recognize that I'm back home. Without making any sound I tried to go back to my room, but I guess God had some other plans for me.

"I was waiting for you, Evelyn. I need to talk to you," as those words left from her lips. Goosebumps crept up on my skin. I calmed myself down and take hesitant steps towards her.

"Yes?" I replied, with a quiet-tone and a confused look.

"We are moving to greenwoods city," she declared with a disturbed and unsure look. I don't know why she's telling me this, It's not like I have a say in this, or she'll listen to me if I deny. This is the first time, I have ever seen her this nervous.

"Ok... mom," I answered.

"But... um... alright, and I want you to follow some several rules there. And if you dare break them, then you will face the consequences," she answered with a deadpan face. I am sure that she is hiding something but what is it? she never told me to follow any kind of rules because she doesn't care what I do. I don't know why but my mom always hides stuff from me... but why? Doesn't she trust me? As I snap out of my thought, I heard her murmuring something... I turned my attention to her.

"... You understand?" she murmured something. I was afraid to ask her what she was saying but if it's related to any work, then it can be great chaos for me.

"What mom?" I asked hesitantly. She looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, I got to know that Adam is moving in that city too," suddenly this thought hit me 'what? he is going too? why didn't he tell me then?'

"He didn't tell me anything, how come you know?" I asked as I raised an eyebrow at her. And then immediately, I regret what I just said. She raised her hand and was about to hit me but the phone rang and that stopped her. I sighed in relief.

I excused myself as fast as I can and made my way towards the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water. I was about to finish it when mom came in and said: "Tomorrow we're leaving. So, pack your baggage fast, we have less time," as those words came out of her mouth, I spat out all the water. Mom glares at me, and I quickly cleaned up the mess, I created.

Wait! tomorrow?!... it's just so soon. I am not ready to leave Hertdale just yet. But I can't change mom's decision.

"Okay, mom," I murmured trying to keep my voice low and not to pick up a fight and end up on the floor with more bruises again.

"Ok," she responded and shot the last glare at me before walking out. If looks could kill you, then I would have been a ten-feet under the ground.

I head back to my room silently; the stress level is rising in me... What if I have to face new taunts and the bully, again? And the most important thing what my mom is hiding? 

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