A High School Love Story

September 22, 2011
By SayuriKoizumi BRONZE, Somerton, Arizona
SayuriKoizumi BRONZE, Somerton, Arizona
4 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm not a fighter, but I fight for what I love.


Summary:

It's basically a Romeo and Juliet thing.


Margaret V.

A High School Love Story


Similar books


JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This book has 5 comments.


on Oct. 29 2017 at 3:17 pm
potterheadpercyjacksonfan BRONZE, Dorchester, Massachusetts
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
OMG what a captivating read!

on Apr. 30 2014 at 12:21 pm
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 860 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Unknown

Just to let you know, I write my comments live because you can get a better feel of what's going through my head. Unfortunately, sometimes it makes for a really long comment. Like really long. So I apologize in advance. First chap. is really good. You've already got me wanting to read more. It's adorable and totally realistic how awkward Seb and Diana are, but I don't feel like two guys would set up their friend on a date like that. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know; I'm a girl. Dang, that kiss came soon. That was adorable. (: it seemed a little soon, but it's okay. You made it work. The teacher is funny! I still feel like their relationship came too quickly. Drag it out; make the reader want them to date, but they're not. That'll keep them reading. Ch. 3 - Just watch your grammar and punctuation when you're doing dialogue. I can understand; it's easy to get carried away in their conversation, but you can NEVER sacrifice grammar. Any amazing story would be terrible with bad grammar. Ch. 4 - it's kind of weird when the girl said "ain't." It seemed out of character to me. It's cute when Alicia kisses Riley. Ch. 6 - Like greatwriter said, I feel like you don't have enough feeling in your writing. All of a sudden, Alicia is totally jealous of her step sister. It's kind of jumpy, and i feel like you're trying to get to the story too quickly. Sometimes, that's good. But in your case, more emotion could improve your writing significantly. Ch. 7 - their first little kissing scene was the most emotionless "romantic" moment ever. Make it spicy!! Good realistic anger from Alicia. I liked that frantic feeling towards the end. Ch. 8 - whoa, drama. Nice realism! Aww, what a cute end. (My exact thought) --> I'm glad D can get away from her devilish sister. Ch. 9 - they're so realistic. It's adorable! You make me wish I could have a relationship like that. Nice job. Make sure, when you're writing, that you keep your numbers in word form, unless they're over about 20. It's more formal that way. Ch. 10 - perfect writing, right there. Awesome. Ch. 13 - just curious how Xavier got there if they're now getting in Seb's car to go to the police station. I'm sure there's a logical explanation, but it's not too big of a deal. Ch. 14 - whoa, when did Alicia get so nice? I know she went thru the cops, but is she really all fixed now? Ch. 16 - I thought he was going to propose, but still a cute ending. Overall, really really nice job. I'm definitely impressed! There are just a few minor errors here and there that will be simple to fix. Some of your grammar is a little messed up, so watch out for that. Overall, I loved it. Interesting storyline and lots of realism. Nice.

greatwriter said...
on Feb. 12 2013 at 12:35 am
greatwriter, Chicago, Illinois
0 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
Why fit in when you were born to STAND OUT.

I both like your story and don't like it. I like the pace and the way it's written but you might want to try to focus your future pieces on feelings. Like for Romeo and Juliet how Shakespeare captured their passion and undying love (I'm not saying it should be just like it but it does seem to skip over the deep feelings and jump straight into jalousy)

on Sep. 30 2011 at 9:49 am
Mermaidmissy SILVER, Las Vegas, Nevada
8 articles 0 photos 136 comments
Can you read some of my peoms please and tell me what you think. :)

on Sep. 30 2011 at 9:49 am
Mermaidmissy SILVER, Las Vegas, Nevada
8 articles 0 photos 136 comments
I really love your book it is very good and a loving peace. I think you should publlish some day and make a lot of money for that. Becasue I know I want to bye it. :)




Swoon Reads

Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Course!