From Rags to Drags

“Why thank ya’ll little ladies and gentlemen for comin’ and I hope to see all of your fantastic parents bring you back next month for some more dance parties, arts and craft, and most importantly DeDe story time. See ya next time!” DeDe loudly and excitedly said as she stands up from her purple sparkly chair and walks around the kids in her six inch red high heels.

DeDe LaRu goes around the children center thanking parents for taking them to her little “Day of Truth”, which allows kids to listen to stories and let them be who they choose to be. Many parents and kids smile and enjoy the entertainment, but DeDe can see the people who do not appreciate her career and roll their eyes as she does her thing during the hour. As a little boy around seven years old in a lilac polo shirt and blue checkered spring like shorts tries to approach her, the mom tries to avoid contact and asks her son to be quick because she just wants to go home, and she leaves to wait in the car.

“Excuse me, Ms. LaRu…”

“Oh pleaseeeeee sweetie, call me DeDe.”

“Well my name is Jax and I always love coming to see you. I don’t think my ma likes taking me, but ever since my daddy passed away she does it to see me smile.”

“Well my lovely Jax, not everyone will love what I do in life, and when you grow up, people may not love what you do, but as long as you get to make one person smile like I get to do everyday, you will never care about a thang.”

“Well my Ma says that whatever you do should not be acceptable, but I don’t get why? Because I want to be just like you when I grow up. I play dress up all the time and dress up like you, well until my mama comes, then she says I can only wear “boy clothes”.” Jax said while looking down at DeDe’s heels but in a sad way.

DeDe looks heartbroken listening to Jax. This little boy brings back memories to DeDe’s past. She takes Jax to a different room where her dresses, makeup and “hair” is all set up with mirrors and bright fluorescent lights. When Jax saw this room, his eye lit up as if it was Christmas morning and every little blonde hair on his head stood up in awe.

“WHOAHHH! This is so cool! I can’t believe this! But wait? Why do you have wigs?” Jax was amazed yet still slightly confused.

DeDe grabbed a makeup wipe to remove her makeup, and as she took off her big, black false eyelashes and her bright red lipstick, along with her insanely curved eyebrows, she began to explain who she was as she finally took off her black haired wig. Jax could not believe what he was about to hear.

“Well sweetie, my real name in Matthew Jenkins”

“You’re a boy?’ Jax was unsure how to react.

“Yes I am, I am just like you. But my career isn’t going to the office everyday. I dress as the person I picture myself as and I get to show off my talent to everyone in the country. Matthew explained the best he could. It’s like playin’ dress up everyday and even getting paid while doing so.” Matthew laughed to himself in a snarky and quiet tone, while Jax just laughed to as if he understood why it was funny.

“But if you get to do what you love and your ma doesn’t yell at you, why does my Ma yell at me everytime I play dress up?” Jax said in an innocent and childlike attitude.

“Trust me Jax, my mama stills yells at me when I play dress up, but that don’t stop me from doing what I love. Ya know, I was ‘round your age when I first started to play dress up.” Matthew began to get emotional.

Matthew and Jax sat in the dressing room type chairs as Matthew began to tell him his story about what it was like when he was a child. Jax was very intrigued with what Matthew was saying, to the point where he had a twinkle of inspiration in his eye and a light smile, just as the corners of his mouth began to lift up.

“I was your age when I found out that dressing up should be my career. I remember wearing my sister’s light pink heels, navy shift dress with lace on the outer layer, and different hair pieces that I found in the closet. And I would walk around the hallway and do a fashion show for all my toys.” As Matthew continues he talks he grabs his locket-like chain around his neck from time to time. “My Pa would always laugh and tell me that I am such a fun lovin’ kid, little did he know this was my actual self, but Ma, boy did she hate this stuff. I would always have to quickly undress from my “girl clothes” and hide them under my bed, and whenever she would catch me, she would take all my toys away and I would get punished for not acting like a “normal kid. Now I didn’t know anything at the time that she didn’t hate the dresses, but hated the fact that I loved to wear them.” He grabs his chain again while Jax plays with a wig.

“A few years later my Ma finally began to have a breakthrough knowing the fact that I wasn’t going to stop dressing up any time soon, so there was a glimpse of time where she slowly began to unwillingly accept my life, but once daddy got into the car crash and passed away it all went downhill fro-...”

Jax interrupts. “My daddy passed away from being sick and losing his hair two years ago.”

Matthew holds back his tears as you can see his glossy green eyes get filled with tears and his pupils become bigger.

“Now as I got older I had to be more and more secretive with my true self, I hated football, but I played, I hated video games, but ma bought be games, and I hated guns, but I hunted with my grandpa. All of these things I did, just so I could hide who I really am. It wasn’t till I was maybe eighteen or so when I finally told my family who I really was and phew it did NOT go well.” He laughed in a spiteful way trying not to get angry.

“I don’t want you in MY house if YOU refuse to act like a normal human. You are a man, who in the right mind thinks it’s okay for you to dress like a woman?” My Ma screamed Matthew said raising his voice, and his temper.

“So, if she couldn’t love me for who I was I did what she told me to do. I left and stayed at a friend’s house till graduation, and no, they didn’t show to graduation. Then, I went to college for fashion design and paid my way through by performing at clubs as DeDe LaRu and I found that people really liked what I did, so I never stopped. It wasn’t until after college life got a little harder.” Matthew grabs his chain and as Jax plays with the wigs he interrupts Matthew’s story.

“Why do you keep grabbin’ that chain?”

“When Grammy died, she left a note and envelope that said “I will always love you for you and don’t let no one tell you different” and she left her locket that she had since she was a little girl.”

“Ohhhh well it’s nice, and can I play with your makeup?” Jax asked in a cute little voice that was convincing for anyone to say yes to anything.

Matthew laughed and said “Yes” as if he’s telling his life story to a brick wall, but continued anyways, hoping Jax will be listening in the back of his head.

“Once college is ended a I had nowhere to go, considering my family hated me and I didn’t have my own place. I bounced from friend to friend, couch to couch just so I had a place to sleep and when they got tired of me living withem’ or they moved on to better things I would go to someone else. There would even be times I checked in hospitals and labeled myself as mentally unstable so they would give me a bed and food for a night. I will admit, I tried couple times to call mama, but she never would pick up my calls. I still did my talents at club on the side but it was never steady enough to settle myself down.” Matthew looked and smiled at Jax.

“It wasn’t till I made enough money to afford my first real big dress when my career finally took off. The dress was red and fitted with sequins from top to bottom. I got a gig at a club down the road from the friend’s house I was living in, in downtown Philadelphia and that gig was the reason I continue to do what I love. After my performance this guy named Nick went came to me backstage and told me how impressed he was with me and that he would love to be partners with me, he goes my Kasha while he plays “dress up”. As Matthew continues he begins to smile a tad, while he watches Jax try on different shoes.

“Me and Kasha became lifelong friends. The two of us sang and danced together, and helped each other get ready before each performance. We even had this tradition where we MUST each drink a diet soda and BBQ chips while getting ready before each performance.” Jax looked puzzled, but before he could even open his mouth Matthew laughed and told him to not even ask because he will never had an answer as to why or how they started to do that.

“We started at the local clubs and we travel more and more and it felt fabulous! Knowing I was making a living doing what I love and finally having my own apartment. I finally got my first break to be on T.V! All of these little things was helping me create my living.”

“Did your Ma ever say sorry for not letting go back to sleeping at home?”

Jax asked not understanding the situation about the disagreements Matthew and his mom truly had.

“Ya know? She never did. And I hope your mama sees the light shine in your eyes and realizes how great of a kid you are.” Matthew tries to get back on track avoiding the topic of his mom as he cleans the mirror directly in from of him.

“But anyways, after almost ten years of an unbalanced life and career. I was finally emotionally, physically and career wise in a stable path. And finally and clubs, T.V, radio, YouTube and ALL of the social media in the world, I finally did the last thing on my list I wanted to accomplish. And that my sweetie, is talking to people like you. Being able to talk to kids like you and help you and everyone else express yourselves gives me the happiest feeling for than you could ever imagine.” Matthew gives a genuine smile and looks into Jax’s big blue eyes. “So now how do you feel about playing dress up?” Matthew asked thinking that Jax would change his mind after hearing his story or thinking maybe Jax just likes playing dress up as a kid like most kids his age does.

“I want to be just like you!” Jax exclaimed while putting on a pair of big sunglasses and a hat, not having a care or worry in the world.

The look on Matthews’s face was indescribable, knowing right then and there he is making an impact on a little kid’s life and helping him be who he is when know else will. He always wished someone did the same for him but he continues to help people on his own without asking for help on his part. Matthew’s nose twitched a little as he looked at Jax with a smile almost as if to saying everything will be okay.

“I have a question.” Jax quietly said thinking it might be a little rude to say (children are never afraid to tell the truth most people say). “If your daddy passed away like mine, and your ma doesn’t let you sleep at home, who do you have to talk to?”

Matthew laughed thinking that is the most innocent and curious think a child can ask. With small laugh and a smile showing his white teeth, he said “I created my own family. I have people who have the same career as me that I am very close friends with, I’m married, I have kids, and I have my own special family where even though they may not be my mom and dad, they are people who love me.”

You were able to tell Jax lost attention, but may or may not have truly listened to what he was trying to say.

“So do ya think if I tell Ma that I want to be like you she’ll be happy?”

“That’s not for me to answer.” Matthew said in doubtful eating because he knows that his mother will not accept the fact that this might be Jax’s true passion.

Jax and Matthew walked out of the dressing room and back into the kid center. While they walking towards door Jax’s mother came storming in with her blue purse, skinny jeans and nice flowery top and she was not happy.

“LET’S GO! I have been waiting for over a half and hour in that car! What if you were in danger? What if something happened to you? What were you doin’ that has been takin’ ya this long to get in my car?”

“Mama Mr. Jenkins said that I’ll be able to be just like him when I grow up!” He said running to his mother.

“You most certainly will NOT be like him!” The mother said with her face starting to turn red.

As she was scolding her son, Matthew stood there awkwardly holding onto his grandmother’s chain and waiting for his mother to finish yelling. As the mother was getting more and more frustrated, Matthew finally got the courage to talk over the mother and state his opinion on the situation.

“If I may say something.” The mother rolled her eyes and stood with her hand on her hip and right leg standing out, but allowed him to talk.

“Just because I don’t sit at the office desk and do paperwork all day, doesn’t mean I don’t have a successful career and make a living for myself.”

“I don’t care if you make a million dollars, your “career” is unprofessional and unacceptable.” The mother said in a snarky manner.

“I know I am not this child’s parents…”

“And most certainly will never be.” The mother cut him off.

“But from my own experience, you need to let Jax be himself and discover who he is and what he wants to do. He may go through struggles, everyone does. I mean please, I was homeless for years! But look where I am now. I am successful, happy and proud of what I do. And you need to let YOUR son do the same thing. He will never be able to do anything in his own if you don’t let’em.”

Jax’s mother was livid at what Matthew was trying to explain to her. She is overprotective of her son and it shows in a not so great way, and you can see that as Matthew and Jax’s mother argue more, Jax began to grow tears in his eyes and started to bounce his leg in a nervous way.

“Ma why are you yelling? He’s just trying to help me.”

“I don’t care, he’s not your father, and I do not approve. You are only seven years old. This is just a stage of your life. I know that in a few years you’ll decide you want to do something else.”

“And what if I don’t?” Jax began to get more upset.

“Well you will, so let’s just move on.”

Jax had a look on his face as if the world came crashing down. His head down and sulking, his mother grabbed his arm and started to head towards the extort door. As they were walking out the door Jax looked back at Matthew…

“Mama! This is what I wanna do! I don’t wanna do anything else! I like to dress up, and Mr. Jenkins was the same way, and I want to be like him! I love you ma, and I hope you love me too…”

The room was silent with Matthew giving a slight smile in the background towards Jax, proud that Jax accepted his truth.

“Get in the car.” The mother said in the most disgusted and disappointed tone rolling her eyes while she walked away.

Jax looked confused, but knew what his mother now thought of him. It crushed him inside, but Matthew cake toward him to comfort him and made sure he was okay. Jax waited impatiently twiddling his thumbs in hopes his mother was only trying to prove a point and was driving around the block to pick him up. Jax waiting two minutes, the five minutes, then ten minutes, and almost an hour goes by and Jax finally had a reality check, realizing that his mom was not coming back. He had the eyes of a sad and lost puppy. Matthew tried his best to hold him close and comfort him as Jax realized his sad news about his mom, but Matthew could feel Jax tears on his arm and felt him shaking with nerves.

“I’m proud of you kid. At such young age you will be able to accomplish so much in life. You may not know now, but your mother made the worst mistake and it is something she will never be able to take back.”

Jax understood what Matthew was trying to say, but he was unable to control his emotions and all he could think about was the fact that his mother did not understand who he really is and how he really feels.

“Do you have anyone that you can call? I’d be happy to help you in any way.” Matthew said in a soft and calming tone.

“Maybe my nana will answer!” Jax said hopefully.

Jax’s nana answered the phone and she immediately got in the little red car and came to get her grandson as fast as she could.

“Oh my little angel! Are you okay? Where did your mother go? And who is this man?” She said frantically with her mind racing with a million different questions.

“I’m okay nana.” He said in a sad little voice. “This is Matthew but I like to call him DeDe.” He giggled.

His nana looked slightly confused and was looking for answers.

“Hi, mrs…”

“Jenkins.” Nana said

“Well my name is Matthew and…”

Matthew told Jax’s nana everything that has happened today, from the moment her grandson came up to Matthew, to his life story, to the littles boy’s mother storming out of the building leaving her son alone.

Jax’s nana was in shock and crying, but failing to hold back her tears. She grabbed a Kleenex from her little black purse and wiped her eyes. She apologized for everything he went through today and that she is embarrassed of what her daughter-in-law did to her own son, but she also could not stop thanking Matthew for everything he did to help her grandson not only come to reality about who he is, but also help Jax with this horrible and unfortunate situation he has to go through, and will have to go through it  for the rest of his life with his mother.

Nana invited Matthew for dinner to show all of her appreciation for helping her grandson. Matthew agreed and when he said yes to dinner, Jax finally smiled again.

“Thank you so much for having me.” Matthew said kindly.

“Of course dear, it’s the least I could do for staying with my Jax.”

“Nana, when I’m I going home?” Jax questioned.

“You are going to be spending a little more time with Nana, okay?” She said in a sad way, without trying to get Jax worked up again.

Matthew left after dinner, and he promised to stay in touch until things start looking up. Jax’s Nana hugged Matthew and said thank you one more time before he walked out of the front door.

Matthew kept his promise and stayed in touch while Jax’s family were trying to figure things out. He called Jax a few times a week so ask how his day is going and even to wish him a happy birthday. Matthew became a new member of the Jenkin’s family. Jax was happy with the way his life changed, even though his mother never contacted him.

-

20 years later

Matthew is in Manhattan, New York With his husband and two kids, settled in a typically white picket fence home with a golden retriever as a pet. Him and his husband still talk to the Jenkin’s and they try their best to meet up when they can, but it’s been difficult the older Jax got, and unfortunately his nana passed away two years ago.

“Hey, have you heard the from Jax lately?” Matthews’s husband Jason asked.

“Ya know I haven’t.” Matthew said in a shocking voice not realizing how long it really has been. “I mean last I heard from him was about a month ago when he said he finally got settled at school and getting his things together.”

“What things?” Jason wondered

“I’ve got no clue.” Matthew laughed. “When he brought it up I tried to ask him but he seemed quite secretive bout’ it.”

“Maybe he’s just still getting over his grandmother, I mean it’s been two years but I’m sure it was very hard in the boy to lose her.” Jason said feeling sympathetic.

“Maybe you’re right.” Matthew said.

Matthew deep down was concerned as to why he has not heard from Jax in a month. He loves Jax as if he was one of his own children and wanted to make sure he was okay. He knew that Jax continued on with drag career and he was doing pretty well with it to earn extra money. Still, Matthew was a tad anxious about him.

“Maybe I’ll give Jax a call.” Matthew said.

Matthew tries several times that day but there was no answer, only a voicemail.

“Please leave your name, and number and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.” beep.

“Hey kid is uncle Matt, I haven’t heard from you in a while. Just makin’ sure everything is okay and that school is goin’ well. Call me back!”

Two days passed and and Jax was finally able to respond again. Jax talked about how his life is going and how well school is going. He talked about being on the dean’s list, loving his major, and having a good side job. Matthew continues to ask in different ways as to why he hasn’t been talkative lately, but every time Matthew asked, Jax responses say that he’s just been busy with a lot of things. However he never specified what “things” were. Matthew was a little upset with Jax that he has been a little distant but he accepted that things may change over time.

“Why don’t we take the kids out tonight? It will relax you a little because you have seemed stressed out.” Jason said.

“Ya know, you’re right. Why don’t we take the kids to the movies and out to eat. We haven’t gone to movies in a long time.” Matthew said in an upbeat tone.

“That movie was so cool! I wanna see it again!!!” One of the kids yelled.

Matthew and Jason laughed adoring their children for how happy they were.

The Kids are yawning as they walk into the house.

“Go get ready for bed.” Jason said.

“Dad my night light burned out, can you fix it?”

“Go get ready and I’ll be right up.”

“Good night dad! Night dad!”

“Good night guys. Remember you have to wake up a little earlier for school so I can make it to work on time.” Jason reminded the kids.

“Ugh, I’m beat. It’s been a while since we’ve gone out with the kids and even though they are older now, they still tire me out even easier.” Matthew said yawning while laying down on the couch.

His husband laughed and started to make fun of Matthew.

Matthew got up to get a drink and noticed a red blinking button on the house phone indicating there was a voicemail.

“Hey uncle Matt, I want to apologize for being a little quiet lately. There has been a lot going on between school, nana passing away, and all little stressors, it’s been hard to keep up with. But, I have a surprise for. So watch your favorite tv show at 10 and hopefully your questions will be answered.”

Matthew was so confused, he had no idea what Jax meant.

“What time is it?” Matthew said yelling into the living room.

Jason yelled back. “9:45.”

“At 10:00 turn the T.V on to channel 107.” Matthew yelled back once again as he was in the kitchen getting a bag of chips.

It was now ten o’clock and channel 107 is turned on.

“Welcome to “from RAGS to DRAGS!” The host in the tv show said.

Matthew was still confused but continued to watch the show.

“I’m your host Jacqueline, and here are our beautiful contestants!”

As people were saying who they were a person pops up on the tv.

“My name is Aggie Ledroo and I love to create my own fashion statement.”

Matthew and Jason both looked at each other and they could not believe their eyes. Their mouths were dropped and they both had the biggest smile on their faces.

“I can’t believe it!!!! It’s our boy! He looks amazing.” Matthew said so proudly and ready to cry for joy.

“And it’s all because of you sweetie.” Jason said in a soothing voice. “If you didn’t meet Jax that day, who knows what would’ve happened to him or where he’d be. You are the reason he is doing what he loves.”

Matthew was so excited and couldn’t take his eyes off of the T.V. He started to tear up and his knee thought was I hope he doesn’t get eliminated, he just needs to get past week one.

And the show was coming to and end it was time for the host to tell the contestants who will not continue to the following week. Unfortunately Aggie was in the bottom two and they had to have a lip sync battle in front of the judges to determine who will go home. Aggie kept holding onto a chain around his neck.

“Matt, isn’t that what you did when you get nervous?”

Matthew looked closely and he noticed it was a locket of his Nana. Matthew didn’t mention anything to his husband but all he did was smile, while he grabbed his own locket.

“And the queen moving forward is….. AGGIE LEDROO”

Matthew and Jason were estaticed. The two of them were jumping up and down and saying how proud they were of Jax.

“Thank ya’ll so much allowing me to go through with the competition, and I promise I won’t let ya’ll down.”

As she grabs her locket she says “Thank ya’ll, and this one’s for you.” Aggie says in a respectful way and winks toward to camera.

Jason and Matthew both looked at each other and smiled. They turned the T.V off and they knew everything will be okay.