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Author's note: What inspired me is how hes changed my life so much.
I could smell the dirt; I could feel the tiny pieces of glass in my shoulders, and not to mention the blood that was running down the side of my cheek and hand. Her scream was more terrifying than the actually scene, the oncoming car saw everything.
I was really excited for the night, fair was this week, my friends were in town, and it was summer. Things were perfect. The Day started off great, waking up to breakfast… well lunch in my case I tend to sleep in during the summer, but that’s kind of irrelevant, most teenagers do. BLT’s, odd how I kind of remember what I ate that day, anyway, I scoffed that down rushing to get ready, only to take an hour shower; I did that quite often that summer. I remember cutting my leg while shaving; honestly, I thought that was the worst pain I’d ever felt. Angry birds, which was the band aid I covered my minor little scrap with. He liked angry birds, he’s childish, but I don’t mind it. I sat around waiting for the text saying he was ready even though I hadn’t even begun to get ready. Meaning, I had wet hair, wet nails, a make-upless face, and some of the boyish clothes on ever. In a matter of thirty minutes the text came, “ready to hang?” Crap! I hadn’t even started getting ready, he would be here any minute and I didn’t want to wait to see him, and I didn’t want him to wait around for me, “Yeah, come in ten minutes?” I got ready faster than ever. I blow-dried my hair while picking out an outfit that said, “I’m trying to impress you, but I don’t want it to be obvious.” A flowered tank top, a bright pink shirt the was a little loose and hung off one shoulder, jean shorts with my favorite belt, and to top it all off a pair of flip flops that were from Hollister. Not to toot my own horn but I looked pretty cute. My hair was dry, realizing I had already taken ten minutes to pick out that outfit I checked my phone, no text, thank god! I rushed to put on my make up, which at that time I rarely put any on, mascara, foundation, powder, and eyeliner… I question lip-gloss or not then I chose to just put on flavored Chap Stick, I’m not really the lipstick kind of girl. I checked my phone, “On my way (:” I loved when he used smiley faces. I rushed to straighten my hair; it seemed longer then. I sprayed myself with my favorite perfume “lucky you” that’s kind of ironic now that I think about it, put on deodorant that smelt fresh. I heard the honk of his dad’s truck, it was a dodge, black, it was my favorite. Perfect timing I thought to myself as I rushed out the door starring at my bright pink toe nails on my sun-kissed skin to avoid the awkward eye contact. As I reached for the door, a rush of being nervous, excitement, and ultimately the happiest I’ve ever been came over me. Smiling like a dork I entered the truck, his lips pressed against my cheek, “You look really pretty.” Mission accomplished, I impressed him, but the more I thought about it the more I thought that I looked like I tried to hard to do so. Grabbing my hand he drove down my road turning right we drove past the park. His hand was sweaty, so was mine, I didn’t really mind it. The windows were rolled down, my hair was blowing in the wind, I was scared it was going to get messed up.
At Cody’s house I watched him, Robert, and Cody mess around on skateboards and joke around. I always had fun with them. We walked to this abandoned house next door, it wasn’t really abandoned just really old and worn down I guess. We went upstairs, where we sat with a few others, they were smoking; I was on probation for doing just that… I caved; I still regret that, He reassured me that he wasn’t mad that I did it all day. We went to Roberts house that was only one road away where we played with firecrackers and other things like that. I was having so much fun, “Wanna go drive around or something?” I just said, “I don’t care up to you.” smiling on accident, for some reason I couldn’t help but smiling when I talked to him. We left his friends, I got a text from my cousin asking to hangout with us, he didn’t really like her, she’s his sisters best friend… well was. A lot has changed since that day. We went and got her, moving up the center console so I could sit closer to him, I remember messing with the radio until I found a song that was semi enjoyable. “Can you guys drop me off at his house, I’m gonna use your sister’s makeup and straightener.” He took her there, we went back to Roberts house and messed around for a while longer, then I went to hangout with my friends while he did whatever, thinking about it now, I’m sure he was going to be with another girl.. It was about 8:30 now, my friends tried to convince me to ditch him to go drink with them. Everyone had trouble with convincing me to ditch him, I never have, I probably never will. They dropped me off at his house around 9:30 we tried to watch a scary movie, I got too scared. Danielle, my cousin, came back… “Uh hey, could I stay the night with you guys?” I was staying the night with him, I liked doing that, it made me feel safe and secure but more than anything, it made me feel wanted. “Yeah I guess…” I mumbled that, I didn’t really want her to stay. I couldn’t say no though, that’s kind of one of my down falls, I’m a huge push-over for any one I love or am close to. She left and came back a little while later; and within that time he and I just sat and talked… I honestly felt like I could tell him anything, he wasn’t judgmental or anything, that’s what I really liked. He told me things too, not too personal; but I felt like he wanted to… maybe that’s me just being weird, but I felt like he really wanted to open up to me, I don’t know… I guess I was just thinking too much into it. Anyway, She came back, we attempted to watch the scary movie again; no luck. “Guys let’s go out and do something, I’m bored!” Danielle was always nagging about something, I think the only reason he tolerated her was to make me happy, “what’s there to do? Well what do you want to do?” “Let’s go drive around, or drink, or we could go to the haunted cemetery!” “Danielle it’s like 10:30, I don’t really wanna drink and drive, and the cemetery is out of town, why don’t we just have someone come over or something else?” I didn’t really want to go, and I could tell he didn’t either but she insisted, so I begged him. I brought out the puppy dog eyes, he fell right into it. “Let me see what Dakota is doing.”
We got in with Dakota who had obviously been drinking, but I didn’t want to be a buzz kill so I went along with it, we went on gravel roads and drove, we got out a couple of times to shoot of firecrackers and little things like that. The grass caught fire, we panicked, I thought that was the worst thing that was gonna happen that night, and god was I wrong. We eventually put it out; it didn’t burn long, but long enough to burn down a small shrub. I yelled at him and his friends, he apologized, they didn’t play with anymore fireworks. He got back in the car, we were squished, Dakota finished another bottle, and Danielle started her first and shared it with me. I took a drink, disgusting! I told him I didn’t want them to drink and I didn’t wanna be around it he asked for the bottle and threw it out the window, even though I was pretty against littering then I didn’t mind that he did it since it was a good cause I guess. Danielle was buzzed, Dakota was drunk, and the girl up front, I still don’t remember her name, was buzzed too. “Holy s***! Dakota, I don’t want to go into the ditch, watch where you’re going, I don’t want to die tonight!” I was glad he said that, I was scared, I wanted to go home; I didn’t want to drive around anymore. “Let’s go get the truck.” God I loved that truck… We got the truck, got Cody, and hit the highway. Going towards the haunted cemetery, pushing on the gas the truck accelerated hitting 60, I wasn’t bothered by this given the speed limit was 45, It didn’t phase me.
We fought over who chooses the next song. That’s the last thing I remember. I blacked out. The dirt stood in the air I inhaled deeply, feeling the sharp pain shoot up my mid-section and back giving me chills along my arms and through my scalp. “Ally get out, hurry get out!” Danielle kept pushing me to get out; I fell out the passenger side’s window. We were so stupid to put 4 people in the front seat, that’s just dumb teenagers I guess… Cody was already out; Danielle kept pushing me to get out. Chris. He was the first thing that popped into my mind, “Where’s Chris, where’s he at?!” “I’m over here, is everyone okay?” Thinking I was completely fine I went to the other side of the road and sat on the shoulder, Dakota walked over to me, “Ally are you okay...Answer me… Ally?” I think I was in shock, maybe that’s why I couldn’t answer; I don’t know what it was. To be honest I don’t even remember him talking to me.
Then we all heard her first scream, an ear piercing scream, the kind of scream that covered your body with chills and made you think the worst. The kind of scream you wanted to cry from. I covered my ears, and then I came to my senses. My face was hot, something was running down it, my shoulders were starting to sting, and my hand felt cold. Chris walked over to me, taking off his shirt he whipped my forehead removing the blood that had come from the cut just above my eye. Looking down I saw the pool of blood that laid beneath my feet, I wasn’t sure where it was coming from, then I saw my hand…did I try to stop myself from going to the windshield, why is my hand like this, “I need stitches..” I just remember saying that over and over again, the ambulance came, asked us the typical, “name, date of birth, address, parents?” That’s around the time I started losing consciousness.
Danielle’s mom was the first one there. I laid in the ambulance just wanting to see my family, I screamed and yelled as the kept touching my wrist and arm, putting pressure on my chest I yelled louder and louder, I remember the unbearable pain I was in, they had Danielle come into the ambulance to calm me down. But when I saw her cry that’s when I lost it, I put my family in harms way and now look at her crying, distressed, panicking. I’m older she was my responsibility, and I just let her make bad decisions and get hurt. I was now hyperventilating and I was having a panic attack, which eventually made me have an asthma attack, they made her leave. Rushing me to the hospital after I lost consciousness for ten minutes, I dozed in and out while they cut my clothes off my body, looking for any serious injuries such as; broken bones, lacerations, and serious burns. I was embarrassed, naked in front of so many people I didn’t know. They covered me up with a blanket while they carried me from the cot to the stretcher, entering the hospital I heard the no name girl crying and screaming once again. Sending that same bone chilling feeling over my entire body, I lost consciousness. I woke back up to being in a helicopter, with a guy screaming in my face telling me to stay awake.
I lost consciousness. I could faintly hear the sound of the helicopter in my slumber. Buzzing… more like humming actually. I woke up to three pokes going into my hand stinging, the worst pain I had ever experienced. Waiting about thirty minutes they began to stitch up my hand, it wasn’t numb anymore though… I endured the horrific pain though. I was now getting a CAT scan, they put this liquid into my IV, “Now this will make you feel like you’ve urinated on yourself, are you ready?” “Mhmmm...” she injected the liquid. Warm, relaxing, the feeling you get when you step into a hot bath, the feeling you get once being in the snow and cuddling up next to a fire wrapped in a blanket, that kind of feeling. It was gone not to long after the finished taking the CAT scans. Nothing seemed abnormal, minus a little swelling of my brain. I was back in my room, struggling to keep myself awake to tell the story of what happened, I was exhausted. I dozed off. Waking back up only thirty minutes later from a terrifying dream, little did I know I would have these often… I thought it was a phase, you know, until I was over the wreck. I still haven’t gotten over it. I woke to a room full of nurses, one injecting Hydrocodone, another taking my vitals and the other beginning to question me while changing my blankets. Apparently I ripped out my ivy in my foot while panicking in my sleep; the blanket was covered in blood. My foot was sore, I was in so much pain… then he came to my mind, what’s he doing right now, how is he, is he in pain. I questioned over and over. I fell asleep only moments later, crying because I was responsible for his injuries. If I hadn’t of begged him to let Danielle stay, we would all be fine right now. I woke up again from another bad dream, getting three hours of sleep. They later told me I could go; get plenty of rest, take your medicine, and eat well, the usual doctor’s orders.
On the way home they went eighty miles an hour… thanks for disregarding the fact that I am completely terrified of vehicles now, and I was just in a life-threatening accident. We got pulled over, awesome. I just wanted to get home, to see him, to lie in bed, to cry, just rethink everything, and mainly just get away. I felt like dying, everything was my fault… I still feel that way when I think about it. I slept on and off; I laid in bed for 5 days straight, not getting sleep, but thinking over and over again about what happened.
I was grounded so I had no phone, laptop, nothing; I did have my IPod though. I got on facebook and messaged him, “Chris, I’m so sorry… how are you...” we talked, he apologized, I missed him, the feeling was mutual. God I just wanted to run to him and give him the biggest hug and just kiss him, honestly, if I could have just done that once, I would have been fine for a month, or forever. We talked everyday, I talked to Danielle too, she wasn’t grounded or anything, that’s incredibly pathetic I thought to myself. She told me things that I could of gone without knowing, like Chris being with other girls, having them stay the night, kissing them, hugging them, and obviously if he was doing that, he was clearly doing the “deed” with them as well...that alone killed me. The worst pain I’d ever experience. That’s still the worst pain I’ve ever felt, heart break.
I talked to him about it, of course like any man, more like boy, a man would never hurt the woman he “loves”, denied it. Like an idiot, I let it go because I just cared too much to let him go. All I could think was about that though. I was the one who was in pain, I was the one crying over him, I was the one who was sad, I was the one hurting, and all he was doing is getting drunk and hanging out with other girls. So much for being faithful and loyal right… I let it go though... I mean I guess he was probably lonely, and he was probably hurting too, I guess not all of us express our feelings well and maybe he’s just trying to cope with what had happened. I made so many excuses for him, it wasn’t okay, I don’t know why I tried to make it okay.
He started coming over, we would talk for a little while, Id kiss him, it’d feel the same for me… so I would keep trying with him. About a month later I got ungrounded. We hung out, I missed this, I missed just being around him.
He cheated. Of course, why would I be able to hold on to anything, He did this at least eight times over the course of our relationship at the beginning, and like the fool that I am, I made excuses for it, and made it okay, forgave him and we’d be fine. I still loved him no matter what.
It’s been nine months, and I live with him now. I really have given him everything, I’ve devoted my life to him, yes I’m a teenager and I realize me saying that is childish or whatever you’re thinking. You’re thinking “she’s throwing away her life, she’s ruining everything.” I’ve heard this but when you feel something like I do at such a young age, you hold onto it. I’m not ready to let someone else slip out of my life. So, until God takes him away from me, I’m going to be with him, and I’m going to be devoted, committed, and faithful. The only trouble I have with this is I’m scared the past will reoccur and he will cheat. I’m sure any woman will feel this way at some point in a relationship, terrified of losing him, but willing to give everything you have in the relationship because you’re so in love with them that not doing so seems inhumane, that not giving them everything seems unfair, not to them but to yourself. Because you feel so deeply about this person that everything isn’t enough. I know how young I am, but at the same time I’m old too. I have experienced love before, with family. I love him the way I loved my first dog, the way I love my grandma even though cancer has taken her from me, the way I love the smell of freshly cut grass; You’re probably thinking, “You’re comparing the love for a boy to the smell of freshly cut grass” Yes, yes I am.
Love to me is waking up every day to green eyes with bursts of yellow and never getting tired of it, never getting sick of that half held back smile, the irreplaceable feeling of not being judged and him being able to understand because he’s experienced half of the things I have. Love is staying in on Saturday because you don’t want to leave each other, falling asleep wrapped up in each others arms, doing favors for each other and not feeling like it’s a chore but more of a blessing to be able to do something for someone. Love is depending on them and knowing that you can, falling completely head over heels, falling because you know that person can catch you, you and all your baggage from your past, your issues, everything. They don’t judge you because they help you. They make you forget everything. Love is being completely self-less with them, being goofy, sad, happy, upset, distressed, at wits end and them still loving you with everything they have just like you do for them. To pretty much some this up, Love is enchanting; I plan on being with him forever.
And we will live happily ever after.