Cancer. Cancer! CANCER! Those words repeated over and over, getting larger each time. CANCER! CANCER! CANCER! “When she goes, we take her death together as a family.”  My mom said. I can’t take it. I won’t take it. I’ll deny it. Deny, deny, deny… All I can do is deny. But there will be a time where I won’t able to anymore. I did a pleasant job at keeping a straight face, but when the song Tears In Heaven had been playing over and over inside my mind, I almost lost it. Almost. But, I had stayed strong. I got goose bumps, it wasn’t cold in the living room, I was my thoughts. The way I was thinking made me cold enough to shiver. I was thinking about her. The way she would die. I tried not to think that way, it was hard not too. I see her, being tired, sluggish, and sad. “7 is old for a Boxer.” But 7 is young to me.

Dutchess is not just a dog, she is not just an animal, she is my best friend. She had been my dog ever since 2nd grade. She had been loyal, playful, and so cute! Now, she is to sick, to sad, and to tired to be her old self. I shivered.  I had gotten cold. As cold as ice. I had to stop thinking that way. Stop. Stop. Stop. I need to stop. But, It is easier to eat a bug, than lose the pet that has been with you her whole life.  I wasn’t paying attention after the word cancer. I wasn’t looking to see other people's faces, I was only in la la land, thinking about the memories, the fun memories. But I woke up to face reality…

Monday, there was no diagnosis.
Tuesday, there was cancer.